just sayin'...

"I didn't know I was pregnant..."

2012-01-11T22:51:00.001-07:00

Wait. Who, me? Nah. Not me.

Anyway...
Here's the story: I didn't teach over the summer, so I found a summer job waiting tables and bartending. I found a gig within a 15 minute walk from my house and it worked out nicely. For the most part. I worked with a good group of people and the manager was either 22 or 23 -- I can't remember -- and there was a birthday celebrated over the summer, but you get the idea. She was really sweet when I first started and I came to realize that she wasn't 100% real. She was overly smiley and talked in a high pitched voice to the customers and said "mmHMMM!" and "uh HUHH!" and "you BET!" in a squeaky, excited tone. Blech.

But! Since she was my manager (eye roll) I was pleasant and nice and accommodating. She wasn't always so nice. I discovered this when she started talking about fellow co-workers behind their backs. I think she was annoyed when I didn't share her opinions and join in. I thought, "if she talks about these people like this, I can only imagine what she says about me when I'm not around." When I first decided to take this job, John was concerned. Concerned about my general well-being and overall mental health. He was a chef for most of his life and he understands the restaurant business. The front of the house staff has to deal with all sorts of crap from customers and he said he didn't want me to go through the summer frustrated and waiting on rude people. I hadn't waited tables or bartended in seven years. Would it be worth it? Well, at the end of the summer I realized that the customers were (mostly) amazing. It was the manager and the owner I could have done without. I could write about many, many issues but I'm trying to keep myself on track here (deep breath). OK.

One day we're working a dinner shift together. The place was pretty small, so there were only two servers on a dinner shift. It was usually pretty slow at the beginning of the shift and then gradually (or sometimes not so gradually) got busier as the night wore on. We were talking and she tells me that she worked a lunch shift the day before and she couldn't believe that a customer asked her when she was due. She went on and on and on that yes, she has a belly, but REALLY?!? Pregnant?!?

Let me explain her body type: big breasts, VERY narrow, non-existent hips and a belly. I have known women that have this same shape and they were NOT pregnant. They just carried all their weight in their gut.

I sympathized with her and told her a story of wearing a big, shapeless dress on an incredibly hot summer afternoon when a man complimented me on my maternity dress. I wasn't flattered. In a woman's mind, if someone thinks she is pregnant, and she's not, it translates as being seen as fat. Not so nice. She tells me that it "was a woman. A WOMAN that said this to me. What an insult! Especially from another woman! Couldn't she tell that I AM NOT PREGNANT?!?" OK. Sure.

Over the course of the summer, this must have happened to her five or six times. That I knew of. In the mean time, she would be really nice, then really nasty. I remember once at the beginning of a Saturday night dinner shift she was in a particularly foul mood and she brought the whole place down. The energy of the whole restaurant was depressing. I was thankful that I was in the bar that night, but she kept coming over to bitch about someone or something. Yeash.

About a week or two after I stopped working there and started teaching again, I received a text from a fellow co-worker of the restaurant. It said, "Xxxxx had a baby." (Name withheld to protect the stupid!) I stared at my phone in disbelief. She must have texted the wrong number. I only know ONE person by that name. Whaaaaa?? I texted back, "what??" and it was confirmed. I also heard about it through the grapevine from other people. The conversation would always end with them saying, "Can you believe it??" At first, no, I couldn't. Then...I wasn't so sure. I thought maybe that she was hiding it from everyone -- for whatever reason. Or that she was in denial. Denial can be pretty powerful, and one can certainly trick their brain in thinking th....Oh forget that! Did she really NOT KNOW?

I've never been pregnant in my life, but here's a perfectly reasonable (in my mind) question to ask:

HOW OUT OF TOUCH DOES A WOMAN HAVE TO BE WITH HER BODY TO NOT KNOW SHE IS PREGNANT?!?!?!???

And this is what really get me about this: she smoked. All the time. Multiple cigarette breaks during a shift. God knows how many when she wasn't working. She drank as well. She even went on a DIET to lose some of her belly. Yep. For real. I still to this day don't know the answer to the question if she really didn't know or not -- because I haven't seen her since she gave birth to her (hopefully healthy) bundle of joy. But I have a feeling that if I were to ever see her again I wouldn't be able to hide the disgust and confusion that wells up inside me whenever I think of this.

I realize there is a television show dedicated to this very topic of "I didn't know I was pregnant" and that there are medical doctors that can explain why and how this happens to some women . Like I said, I've never been pregnant, but I think this show and this story are prime examples of how out of touch women have become with their bodies...and it's very sad.

update: what I did on my winter vacation...so far...

2012-01-07T22:13:00.000-07:00

Not much. I went to New York to visit my family and friends. I had a great time relaxing, eating, drinking, catching some type of sore throat ick and getting over said ick. I only get to see my family once -- or twice, if I'm lucky -- a year, so I really like going back for Christmas. This year the cheapest airfare was if we stayed through New Year's, so we ended up there for two weeks. I actually didn't think (too much) about work related issues -- unless I received the "why did I get this grade?" email from a student or two. I only started to feel anxious about everything I still have yet to do until the last day or two there. In some ways it didn't seem like I was there for two weeks, but in other ways, yeah. It did.

The first day I was there I checked my email and I received a response about the proposal I sent in November. It was the nicest rejection letter I've ever received, but a rejection, nonetheless. Bummer.

I caught some throat ick when I was there, and the only thing that helped me get over it in about three days was Bragg's Apple Cider vinegar. Ever use it? My mom turned me on to it years ago. Whenever I have a sore throat I always gargle with it (cut with some water) and it's amazing how instantaneous the relief is. This time around I noticed that the relief lasted longer when I made what I call a vinegar cocktail. It smells worse than it tastes. I know that's not a very inviting statement, but it is what it is:

8oz or so of warm water
2 tsp Bragg's Apple Cider vinegar
2 tsp of local honey
Mix well and chug

No other apple cider vinegar will do -- this stuff has "the mother" in it -- it occurs naturally as strand-like enzymes of connected protein molecules -- and this is the stuff that kills all the ick in the sore throat. It's also supposed to be good for cleanses. If you're into that kind of thing. I'm glad that I drank this a few times a day -- a friend of mine had similar sore throat symptoms and she developed pneumonia and my sore throat went away in a few days. Whew! I whip up a vinegar cocktail when I think of it -- I try to do it every day, but that doesn't always work out. =)

Like what happens to most people when they visit family, I ate a lot. A lot. I also ate a lot of red meat. I ate more red meat in two weeks than I usually do in a year. Oof. My parents recently bought a 1/4 of a cow from a local farm. We made Guinness Stout beef stew, goulash with ground beef, and one night we had big, fat, thick sirloins. Then there were leftovers. You get the idea. I won't be eating red meat any time soon. Oooooh, my tummy.....

I spent time with mom, dad, sister, nieces, nephew, grand niece (!!), aunts, uncles, cousins and old friends. Of course I never get to see everyone that I want to -- it doesn't matter how long I'm back -- there never seems to be enough time. Oh well.

Bill the cat was NOT happy that we were gone for two weeks, even though we had a friend come over daily to check on him and give him smooches and scratches. We've been back for four days and he still will not stop meowing, YEOWLING, yelling, and complaining. He follows us everywhere and insists on crawling all over us whenever he can -- day and night. I had to lock him out of the bedroom the other night and he's getting tired of being pushed off the bed, but I need to get some sleep! He gets so excited to be with us that he drools stinky cat drool all over himself and us. I appreciate the love, dear kitty, but c'mooon.......

I'm also revising and prepping for the semester as well -- but I will not bore you with those details. I may be teaching an online class this semester. If that's the case, I'm sure I'll be including updates on that experience since I haven't done that before. Happy New Year everyone -- I hope it's a good one.

Update: My friend Fran reminded me that I participated in a marathon game of dreidel -- and I won! John and I helped our friends Barry and Fran celebrate Hanukkah!

happy new year!

2012-01-05T20:34:00.000-07:00

I went on vacation. A two week vacation. I thought once or twice about blogging, but didn't. I'm not one of those super organized people that have blogs planned out in advance and all scheduled to post in advance. Pppffft. I'm in the midst of revising and preparing for the Spring semester (I find it amusing that the Spring semester starts in January...), so I don't have a lot of time right now to update and post photos, but I thought I'd check in and see how everyone is doing.
I will be posting a "what I did on my winter vacation" blog soon, so be warned. =)

end of the semester...

2011-12-12T22:48:00.000-07:00

I'm still waiting to hear back about the proposal I did submit in November. I was told I'd hear back "in December." Vague. It's been over a month since I submitted it and almost a month from the deadline. Every time I check my email I'm looking for something and every time I'm bummed out that I haven't received an email. One of these days I won't be thinking about it and that's when I'll find out. I would like to know either way so I can prepare if it's accepted or move on and concentrate on other things if it's not.

I'm leaving to go out of town next week and I'm actually ahead of my self-imposed grading schedule. This hasn't happened in a long time. Wait. I'm not sure if this has EVER happened since I've been teaching. I feel relaxed, prepared and ahead of the game. I'm usually super stressed out, frazzled and annoyed (while drinking too much scotch) during this time of the semester. I wrote a very long list of all the things that HAD to be done by the end of the semester and I just kept crossing items off of the list. I still have things on there, but I can't cross them off yet -- for example: grade finals for all classes -- can't happen because I give my first final tomorrow -- but you better believe that as soon as the first student hands in the first test I'm gettin' my grade on. This weekend will be filled with laundry and getting the house in order. I'm looking forward to seeing my family.

bye bye blog follower...

2011-12-01T18:37:00.001-07:00

It's a bummer to lose a blog follower. It makes me wonder what I did to make them not want to follow or read any more. I can't please everyone all of the time, because in the end I write for myself -- and when others get it, it's a bonus.
Thanks to my small handful of followers that get it!

proposal update

2011-11-28T20:59:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking -- the more research I do about the baseball and music topic, the more I realize how woefully unprepared I am to submit a proposal for a December 2nd deadline. I know that proposals are submitted all the time without a paper already prepared, but I haven't even centered in on exactly what I want to do with this topic. I've decided that I'm still going to gather as many materials as I can and research my butt off until I've come up with a concise topic and unique angle. The thought of making a total fool of myself because I'm not as prepared (or confident) as I could/should/(will eventually) be on this topic is not appealing. I've decided not to submit a proposal this time around and hopefully within a reasonable amount of time (vague..on purpose..) I can do it the right way.

The stress involved has also gotten physical. The severe pain in my back, shoulders and neck is a direct embodiment of the anxiety I'm experiencing over this. (deep breaths...)

writing ANOTHER proposal...what am I thinking?

2011-11-12T13:01:00.001-07:00

Yep. That's right. I've decided to submit yet ANOTHER proposal to a conference. This time it's for the Society for American Baseball Research (SABR) conference. This is different because I don't have anything written ahead of time. As in nothing. Zilch. Zero. I know that people do this allll the time (submit proposals to present a paper that's not even written) but it adds some stress to the already stressful equation. My topic will be about the intersection of baseball and popular music. Why are they so closely related and intertwined? The deadline is December 2nd, so I have some time, but that date will get here in a hurry. It's the last part of the semester and I have tons of assignments, papers and tests to grade along with prepping and the rest of the ~~headaches~~, er, joy that comes with teaching. I've been staying up late doing all of these things, then when I'm done I do research and/or read. It's kind of hard finding a balance -- if I stay up too late, I end up all bleary-eyed and exhausted for class and I don't make much sense (not good when teaching) -- but I also want to get enough research done -- grrr. So the process repeats itself ad nauseum.

Wish me luck (again!) and send those positive vibes my way! I'll keep my blog updated as the process unfolds! Yippieeeee!

new look...and a submitted proposal

2011-11-06T16:47:00.001-07:00

I re-vamped the blog. A few times. I liked the dark background I had but I noticed my eyes would start to bug out if I looked at it for too long -- and that's not good if I'm trying to get people to stick around and read what I have, right?? So here is the new(est) version. It's very clean and not too hard on the eyes. Let me know what you think of it - if you're so inclined. I'm planning on changing the photo at the top every once and awhile to switch up. The current photo is from a Phish concert - I'm pretty sure I posted it here on this blog a few years ago.

On another note....

For the past few years I've been trying to present a paper at an academic conference. I blogged about my most recent experience about that HERE. Anyway...the process starts over again. I just submitted a proposal and I feel like I'm going to vomit. It's nerve wracking -- making sure everything makes sense, the endless proof reading (by me and fellow professors in the music department who were kind enough to read it a few times and offer suggestions and welcome criticism), the holding off and letting it "sit" and then going back and re-reading, the self-torture of "what if they don't like it? What if it's not good enough?" and blah blah blah....
Tonight I did a final reading (OK - so I read it about 20 more times...) and decided that it is what it is and to stop agonizing over it and send it already. So I did. As soon as I hit "send" I thought I was going to vomit -- but it's out there and hopefully someone will be reading it by tomorrow. The conference is in NYC in March during the week of spring break, so that would work out nicely.

Send me (and the conference panel) positive vibes and good thoughts. I'll let you know what happens!!

disgrunted blogger...

2011-11-04T22:22:00.001-06:00

That's me. Disgruntled. It says on my profile that I'm a "sometimes blogger," right? So, imagine my frustration in attempting to get featured on one of those omg-we're-so-great-because-we-support-all-bloggers-blogs. I submitted writing samples from my blog and apparently I didn't visit their blog enough or I wasn't blogging enough for their liking, because the feature never came...so I just kind of stopped writing on my own blog for a few months. (There's a lot more I can say about these types of "support blogs" but I'm trying to be nice and stay positive, so I will abstain...)

I thought about blogging believe me. I thought about it a lot...but I lost my desire to share. Some of the comments I was receiving on here made it clear that those people really weren't reading what I was writing. I guess there are some out there that read it but don't comment (sigh). Who knows.

I haven't been on here in so long I forgot how to log in and had to reset a password and make sure I was logging in from the correct email address. I was locked out for awhile. I'm not going to apologize for being away for so long because it is what it is, but when I finally got to log back on and I saw the list of all the blogs that I follow it made me happy to see them. I'm going to lurk about and catch up reading, leave some comments and hopefully be motivated for a bunch of posts in a row to catch everyone up on what I've been doing for the past six (holy crap, really?? I haven't blogged in six whole months?!?!?) months (sheepish grin).

all the recent goings-ons...

2011-05-03T21:34:00.000-06:00

Things have been busy - that kinda goes without saying. I've had some interesting experiences since the last time I've posted. One of them involved a student that was making racist comments in my class and when I addressed the subject, the student had what I call a "freak out." It was bad enough that I had to file an academic misconduct report with the college and I actually had a police officer in my class to make sure the student didn't come back. That was pret-ty damn stressful. I was afraid for my personal safety - I was always looking over my shoulder when I was on campus and I wouldn't have been surprised if this student showed up on my doorstep - but thankfully that didn't happen. Being on guard like that all the time is stressful and I literally felt physically ill from this situation. This happened shortly before spring break and believe me when I say that I really needed to get out of town.

I headed out to Palm Springs, CA to visit my brother for a week. John had a stressful week or so before we left town as well so we were very thankful for a vacation. Palm Springs wasn't as warm as it usually is around that time of year and it actually rained when we were there, but we relaxed by the pool a few days, went to the WWII Air Museum (rainy day activity), wandered around town, ate delicious food, drank copious amounts of booze, participated in show tunes night and the best part: got to spend time with my bro.

Not too long after I got back into town I found out that the class that I've been teaching over the summer for the past six years has been canceled due to budget cuts. WHAT?!? This means I need to find a summer job! Oh crap. Needless to say, that was another stressful situation. I figured the best way for me to make the most $$$ I could would be to wait tables and/or bartend...and I haven't done that in about seven (yes -- SEVEN) years! So, I taxed my brain to remember past experience and got my "server/bartending" resume together. I went out to a few places that were hiring and jumped through the hoops, but I wasn't feeling too interested or excited about the places where I applied. John happened to mention my situation to the owner of the bar/restaurant where he hosts an acoustic jam every Tuesday night. The owner said that they have guest bartenders there on Thursday nights and I should come in and talk to the manager about it. I was interested, but actually waited two weeks til I went in. I went in to talk to the manager and she asked if I could do it next Thursday. Okaaay. Why not? I told all my friends about it and a lot of them came in to see me. I had a great time -- it was like riding a bike! The bartender and manager loved me so much they told the owner that he should hire me since he was looking for another employee. I went in the next night to pick up tips and the manager asked if I could work on Saturday night. Sure! I was there for one hour and the owner offered me a job. Yea!!!!! That is one stress that is relieved. I start officially training on Thursday. Here's another stress:

This is the last week of classes and finals start next week. I explained to the owner about writing up finals, grading papers and tests and how it takes a lot of time. He was understanding and said he's a grad of the college - and he would work around the schedule until I'm open to work full time. Awesome!

Phew!
(photos from Cali to come soon)

how I've been spending my Friday afternoons...

2011-03-08T17:50:00.000-07:00

For the past three Fridays I've been heading down to campus to take part in a gamelan workshop. The school recently purchased a Balinese gamelan and this is the school's first foray into traditional Balinese music. What's a gamelan, you may ask? A gamelan is a musical ensemble that comes from either Bali or Java. The ensemble is made up of double-headed drums, flutes, gongs and other types of xylophone-esque instruments. The term gamelan refers to the instruments and not really the performers. The interesting things about these instruments is that they are built and tuned specifically to be played together - switching out instruments to use in another gamelan will not work.

Here are some photos:

that's me with the dreads =)

At first we sounded pretty bad! There are many people participating in the workshop that aren't music students or faculty. Along with some instrumental music majors there are vocal majors along with some biology professors and English and math students! All music is taught orally without notation. The learning process has been fascinating to observe as those with heavy backgrounds in music (including me!!) have a bit of a harder time understanding the interlocking rhythmic patterns without the aid of notation as a jumping off point. I reached a breakthrough last week and I felt the light-bulb go off over my head. The instructors saw it (and heard it) as well. Inspiring!!

I think it's pretty important for those who are educators/teachers/instructors to find themselves being the student again. Learning something new and totally out of my comfort level has brought out new characteristics in my attitude towards teaching and my students. I always try to remember that I've been immersed in music and music history for my entire life and learning musical information for the first time is difficult for my students. I've been experiencing this first hand for the past few weeks: being exposed to new instruments, their names, terms and concepts of Balinese music -- all in a language in which I am definitely NOT familiar!

We sound better every week =)

clothing size inconsistency..!

2011-02-15T22:22:00.000-07:00

I went clothes shopping the other day. As I was on my way I felt a headache coming on and I figured (correctly) that headache + clothes shopping would = not much fun. The last time I bought a pair of brand new jeans was last December and I was thrilled that I fit into a size 8. I hadn't been in that size in quite some time, so it was a big deal for me. Lately I've noticed that my jeans were fitting too big. I couldn't imagine that I was any smaller than a size 8, but when I went to the store I picked up the same style, size, fit, cut, etc. of the jeans that I was wearing. Imagine my surprise when I went into the dressing room and discovered they were too small. Hmmmm...I held them up to my old jeans and they were a bit smaller and much longer. Let me say that I never put the old jeans in the dryer.

So....I went back out, got a size 10 and they fit just fine. I held them up to my old pair of size 8s. They were smaller. OK - I have to realize that the material will shrink and/or stretch as time goes on, but really?!? I've never experienced a pair of jeans that stretched out so much that they ended up BIGGER than the size above them..??? I was willing to bet that the designer changed the actual size.

I continued shopping and found a pencil skirt that I thought would be good for work. I went into the dressing room with a size 10. I was swimming in it. I bought the size 8 skirt. I tried on other pants and I fit into 8s and 10s. I don't get it. I have more luck at vintage or thrift stores when I find something I like I hold it up and know if it will fit me or not. I do not have that ability with brand new clothes. I'm not too fond of clothes shopping and usually after 20 minutes I'm annoyed and want to leave. I forced myself to shop for about two hours and I left with a few nice things. By the time I got home I was second-guessing myself. Especially about the jeans. I thought, "good god, I shouldn't have bought those. They really didn't fit, they're going to be too tight, etc. etc." The next day I decided to put them on and they fit me just fine. I don't know what I was thinking. The whole experience of the 3-way dressing room mirror under florescent lights, the screaming child in the next room, the agony of taking an hour to find a pair that fits...UGH! Who knows.

In the end, I'm glad I went but I just don't understand the inconsistency about clothing sizes. Any one else out there have this problem??

new post for a new year

2011-01-03T13:18:00.000-07:00

Even though I detest new year resolutions, there is something about the new year that makes me feel (mostly) optimistic and rejuvenated. I did have a moment of despair, shortly after midnight on new years eve, when I was on the floor at the Pepsi Center here in Denver at a Widespread Panic show. I looked straight up and realized I was standing directly underneath the gigantic scoreboard (shiver). I was at a Phish show yeeearrsss ago in Rochester, NY at the War Memorial and a day or two after the show, the gigantic scoreboard fell down crashing into the floor -- right where my friends and I were standing just a day or two before. That has always stayed in my head. I tried not to, but I kept looking up and wondered if I would have any warning or if I would be crushed instantly and not know any better. Morbid, yes?? That's why I said "mostly optimistic."

Here is where the optimism continues: yesterday I successfully revised two out of three syllabi AND developed my own website! Holy crap! I've been wanting to start a website for my students to access and I finally did it. It's not finished yet, but I'm working on it. Students will be able to access the syllabus, schedule, review sheets, sample papers, listening lists, videos and all sorts of good stuff. I'm pretty excited about it. It's still in the works but if you'd like to stop by and take a gander (let me know what you think) it's www.ProfessorFlannery.weebly.com.

Weebly is a free site - as long as I keep the weebly.com part of the address. When I have some extra cash I'll pay for the domain name ProfessorFlannery.com (as long as it's still available...).

OK, I'm off to be productive again. Happy New Year =)

the art of listening

2010-11-02T23:43:00.000-06:00

There is a lost art: the art of listening. I'm not just talking about actually listening to what someone is saying without constantly thinking about what you are going to say next. I'm talking about the art of listening to music.

We are surrounded all the time by music: while shopping, walking down the street, in the car, out to dinner, waiting in line at the bank; we are bombarded with it, but how often do we stop and actually listen to it? No. Seriously. LISTEN to it.

I remember when I was younger - in high school or even college - I would get together with friends and just listen to music. The TV wasn't on - we weren't multi-tasking, reading or cleaning the house -- we were just listening to music and enjoying all elements and aspects of what we were hearing. We would smile at each other as we picked up the more subtle elements or recognized a quote from another song in the performance of another musician. Going to school for music upped my listening skills - there were aspects and elements of the music we were expected and required to hear. Repetition and contrast are both important elements - they help our ears recognize what is important (through repetition) and give our ears a break and let us realize something new and different is happening (by contrast). I was once asked by an ex-boyfriend in the middle of a Phish concert, "how do you listen to music?" I was totally floored - I had never thought about it - and I wisely answered, "let's talk about that after the show...." It made me analyze what I listened to and when and why...and I've never forgotten that lesson. I used to enjoy the moments when I lived alone or when I found the time to have to myself to put on some music and sit and listen. Perhaps with a glass of scotch or wine or maybe just sitting in the dark and listening carefully and enjoying what I was hearing. The art of listening = the art of enjoyment.

How often do you sit down and listen to music? Do you make the time to do it? I realized tonight that I hadn't done it in a long time. I tell my students every day to listen carefully and hear all the different aspects of music that they should be hearing and blah blah blah. I'm afraid that it takes away the enjoyment - the joy of the music. But the joy comes from careful listening and enjoying what you hear. It doesn't matter what type of music. I just got off a serious Mozart kick (not sure why or how it started...but it was enjoyable while it lasted....) and tonight, after hours of grading and thinking all I wanted to do was drink a glass of wine, head to bed, and numb myself with the TV, I poured myself a glass, headed upstairs and realized I just wanted to listen to music. Who did I want to listen to? Hm. That's strange - I had a strong hankerin' to listen to Moby. Rather odd to come off a hard-core Mozart stint by listening to Moby, but I listened to my inner ear. I went downstairs, found my Moby albums, sat on the floor in front of the speakers and listened. And ENJOYED. I sang along, sipped wine, was caught up in some memories that certain songs brought me back to, scratched the cat as he walked back and forth and genuinely enjoyed myself. I felt revitalized. Awake. Energized. Motivated. Enthusiastic. All from just sitting and listening.

I challenge all of you to do the same. Pick something - anything. Some type of music you love. A band that you haven't listened to in years. Or maybe something from a performer that you just listened to yesterday. BUT -- turn off the TV, sit in front of your speakers, devote yourself to "X" amount of time for just listening and enjoying. Do you think you don't have the time to just sit and listen without multi-tasking?? You say, "gee, Katie, I can listen, but only if I'm putting dishes in the dishwasher or doing laundry or picking up the living room...I don't have the time. I can't afford to take the time to do that."

I say: YOU CAN'T AFFORD NOT TO.

medusa

2010-10-31T19:54:00.000-06:00

This was my Halloween costume this year - I played a gig and had a great time. Didn't get home til 3:45am so I spent Halloween day going out to brunch, napping on the couch, watching football and baseball. Overall a pretty good weekend!

natural pessimist

2010-10-26T23:50:00.000-06:00

That's me: a natural pessimist. I can't help it. I'm not always a downer but sometimes I have a difficult time of being optimistic. I have a friend, Karmin - she is the eternal optimist - when I'm around her I feel better about all sorts of things. She can put a positive spin on anything. I try to do that but it's pretty difficult and sometimes I feel as though I need a good shot of optimism, enthusiasm and positivity.

I haven't posted in quite some time - for whatever reason. The semester started, I was super busy, I went out of town on vacation to San Francisco, I'm still super busy, midterms, grading, prepping, this, that and the other -- you know how it is.

Exercising (re: my last post) has actually been going very well. As previously stated: I hate to exercise, but once I'm in the habit of doing it I start to become obsessive about it. I was making sure that I did it five times a week. That's pretty damn good! My jeans are no longer tight - yes!!! Alas...the back issues. The back pain is not from the exercising - it's from stress and carrying around that goddamn computer case packed with folders, papers, books, pens (please see previous post re: "pen neuroses" to properly understand said condition...) and god knows what else I have shoved in there. I'm talking excruciating pain. Unlike anything I've ever experienced -- doubled over in the middle of the kitchen crying in pain and frustration kind of excruciating. I have this knotted muscle underneath and next to my right shoulder blade. The pain shoots up my neck and down my arm. I had a friend come over last Friday to drop off some vicodin - and that stuff makes me nod off, nauseous, and scratchy - like a crack addict. OOF. But I was willing to swill some down with scotch on the rocks because it friggin' hurt!! John helped with some massages and it's feeling almost back to normal -- and it's all thanks to him -- what a great guy! (insert big grin here!) But the exercising routine has pretty much come to a stand still. I only did it twice last week before the back agony - and not at all this week - although I'm thinking that I'll do it in the morning when I get up.

I'm teaching a class this semester that's getting me down and I can't figure out why or how to get out of feeling that way about it. Some days it's great, but most of the days the energy is weird, I hear students complaining, I'm engaged in some type of power struggle that kind of crept up on me with some students -- always testing the guidelines of what's in the syllabus as far as attendance, class behavior, assignment instructions, writing guidelines, etc. What the hell? I try to go in there with a smile and enthusiastic behavior about the subject matter but....bleech. There's been a few times this semester when I've come home from work and John says, "hey babe, how was work?" I plop down my purse and my computer case, hunch over, and with a pathetic look say, "I just want to crawl into bed with a bottle of scotch and cry myself to sleep." Yeah. Exactly. Imagine that. Whatever. The semester is over in a few weeks....(there's my optimism...hahaha)

So there's a kind-of update. I'm surprised my followers didn't drop off and leave me! Send positive, optimistic vibes my way...I need 'em!

=)

update..

2010-09-20T11:24:00.000-06:00

much news to report. post on the way....!

today = exercise success!

2010-08-17T19:51:00.001-06:00

I'm lazy. I admit it. I've admitted it before in some other long ago post (s). I also hate to exercise. That's a pretty bad mixture. My boyfriend is the type of guy that eats and drinks whatever and doesn't gain an ounce. He used to play hockey, run and study Aikido until a back injury derailed that. I think it's residual fitness in his case - it might wear off soon...

anyway.

Last week while getting dressed to go out for an early celebration of John's birthday with John and some friends, I asked John to zip up the back of a favorite vintage dress. It's notoriously difficult to zipper past the waistline and John busted a zipper once while helping. I can do it myself but I usually end up sweating (haha - how pathetic) while bending my arms at an odd angle to get the back closed so I just asked him this time around. After a minute or so of him struggling I declared, "oh my god. If this dress doesn't zipper up I'm going to fall into a deep depression." It didn't help that I was bloated, had some particularly nasty cramps and a headache. I wasn't feeling my prettiest and I knew that I had gained a few pounds over the summer. Who gains weight over the summer?!?!? Me, I guess. Even with the dress successfully zippered I felt like a fat slob. Yick. It's never good to feel uncomfortable in your clothes and it's especially yicky during the summertime. I felt the same way last night when I put on some jeans and discovered they were tighter than the last time I wore them. UGH. Again I declared how disgusting I felt and John says, "well, babe, why don't you work out?" Yeah, that was the last thing I wanted to hear. I stomped my way into the closet and whined that I hate working out (even though I KNOW I need to). Why do I hate it so much? I found a shirt I felt somewhat comfortable in and as we headed out the door I decided I was going to find my work out DVDs and do one tomorrow (ahem...today).
Today, after some necessary running around, ie: going to the office, making 120 copies of the syllabi and schedule, finally finding a suitable date book, eating lunch, preparing lecture notes, power point slides and listening lists, I found the DVDs, donned my shorts and sports bra (lovely) and reached, lunged, squatted and crunched for 30 minutes. I'm feeling pretty good that I said I was going to do it and I DID IT. I really don't know what my problem is about exercising - I haven't found much of anything I really enjoy...although I know that my body needs some hard core aerobic exercise to lose any weight and inches.
So, today = success! Let's see what happens tomorrow...
=)

wow! I'm a featured blogger...

2010-08-06T00:01:00.003-06:00

Today is my lucky day - and I say that with all sincerity. Today I am the featured Blogger of Note on the Words of Wisdom blog. WOW is the brain child of Sandy and Pam and it's all about blogs written by women and men that contain posts that are thought provoking and/or insightful. Their mission is for bloggers of substance to find and support each other.

My blog isn't fancy, it doesn't contain any ads or giveaways - it's a small reflection of who I am and contains a glimpse into my head. The small snippet of a profile blurb on the side of the page pretty much sums up who I am: I am a part-time music history prof, a full time music lover, a baseball fan, a sometimes blogger, a live show addict, a concert poster art collector, a vintage clothing aficionado, a sentimental pack-rat, a procrastinator and voracious reader. I cover these things in my posts -- sometimes with loving reflection, sometimes with ranting annoyance and other times with struggling self-worth.

I started blogging a few years ago and gettin' the ball rollin' is my explanation why I started just sayin'...

here are a few posts to introduce you to my blog:

you know that love survives so we can rock forever... is my reflection on the death of Michael Jackson and what music means to me
pen neuroses is my post about my obsessive love of pens
blog lurking - self explanatory. We all do it. Embrace it.
the ecstasy that is hair washing day is about the dreadlocks. People are curious and ask about them...
procrastinate now and panic later is one of my latest posts

Thanks for stopping by -- feel free to browse and comment. Welcome!

with a song in my..head

2010-08-05T17:56:00.002-06:00

Just about every day I wake up with a song going through my head. Some days it makes sense to me why a certain tune is floating around - I could have just played it in class or listened to it on my own - but sometimes the song is pretty odd and who knows why I woke up with it bouncing around inside my head. Most days I'm aware of the song and it stays with me for a good chunk of the day. Some mornings I wake up to an alarm and jump out of bed and if there was a song there..well...I didn't realize it in my mad rush to get out the door. I decided to keep a journal next to the bed and jot down the titles before I get up. Here's what I got from the past month:

7/3: Bob Dylan, You Ain't Goin' Nowhere
7/5: Rodgers/Hammerstein, Poor Jud is Dead, from Oklahoma!
7/6: Widespread Panic, Bust It Big
7/8: Alice Cooper, School's Out For Summer
7/10 (my birthday!): Billie Holiday, How Deep is the Ocean, How High is the Sky
7/12: Nirvana, Come As You Are
7/13: The Raconteurs, You Don't Understand Me
7/15: Gene Autry, Back In The Saddle Again
7/22: Cat Stevens, Moonshadow
7/24: Bix Beiderbecke, Singin' The Blues
7/30: Gene Krupa, Drum Boogie

Not quite a full month's worth, but there were some days that I woke with a start and/or forgot to jot down the song. I've already started my list for August =)

procrastinate now and panic later...!!

2010-08-03T20:41:00.001-06:00

I'm flustered. I need a break. I've been so busy I feel like my head is spinning and I had to convince myself not to have a freak-out last night. I'm taking a break, er, procrastinating, to uh, blog. Yeah, that's it. I'm an adult and I don't have to make excuses if I want to blog to get my mind off the crushing to-do list that is towering over me, right? (sigh)

My vacation was fun - I spent ten days with the fam and spent time with my parents, sister, brother-in-law, nieces, nephew and met my grand niece! Holy crap! I'm Great Auntie Katie! How the hell did that happen??

with my grand niece Sabreena

My plan was to spend time with my family and celebrate my birthday and my Dad's birthday while visiting. It was just what I needed. There was a lot of sitting around the kitchen table with a bottle of wine, great conversation, trips for ice cream cones and cooking on the grill. I miss my family and I don't get to see them very often. Once a year is not enough.

While I was in NY, I found out that the head of music department wanted me to teach Jazz Styles in the fall. So my schedule has been re-arranged a bit and now I am prepping to teach jazz history. As part of my American popular music class I already taught jazz history, but it was a good 100+ years of jazz history condensed into a few weeks. Now, I have a whole semester to dedicate to one genre of music and it's pretty much heaven to me. Last night I realized that yes, it's August and the fall semester starts on the 23rd and ohmygodI'mnotevenclosetobeingpreppedandreadytogo. (gasp!) I've been doing some things over the last few weeks, but not nearly enough. In my head I was thinking that I had plen-ty of time (!!). I think it was the arrival of the text book that pushed me over the edge. I have listening lists to arrange, power point slides to create, lecture notes to type, assignments, the schedule to work out and the cherry on top: the syllabus. Even though I'm a procrastinator (there have been many posts dedicated to this topic and I'm pretty sure that by sitting here and typing this blog post I'm a procrastinating role model for all) I also like to be very organized. I need to start the semester with everything organized and ready to go or else I feel like I'm scrambling to catch up for months. I have to make sure the house is clean and organized before the semester starts as well - a neuroses John has gotten used to over the years. If my house is clean and in order then I feel like my life is as well (another sigh).

This brings me to last weekend and my big lofty plans for getting a lot of work (grading papers and prepping) done while John was out of town. Let's back up to last Wednesday night. We invite my good friend Lindsay over for dinner and John whips up this delicious dinner of tilapia w/an orange and blackberry compote with fingering potatoes and asparagus.

yum!

We drink a yummy cold Italian white with dinner and follow it up with a bottle of cabernet that Lindsay brought over. After that John busts out some homemade lemoncello that some friends made us for Christmas - the bottle has been living in the back of the freezer - take a look:

frosty!

John then decides to drink a few beers. Needless to say, he's drunk. While we are brushing our teeth and getting ready for bed, John decides that he wants to tickle me to see if I will spit out my toothpaste. It's all great fun til someone pokes their eye out. No. Seriously. I take my toothbrush out since I was about to spit toothpaste all over and at the same time he bends down to go in for another poke in the side and my moving Sonicare toothbrush and his eye have a run in. Oops. At first I thought that it was just some toothpaste that got in his eye, so I push him stumbling and mumbling "oh babe, you really fucked me up" over and over into the bathroom so he can rinse it out. He rinses for quite some time and then I take a look. It's red and irritated and oh, holy crap. I can see a good size square of his cornea missing. I try not to outwardly freak out, but inside I am. I talk about going to the emergency room while he laughs and tells me he's OK. "You're drunk," I tell him and he smiles and gets into bed. I apologize over and over. Throughout the night I wake up to hear him moaning in his sleep and I know it's bad. In the morning I convince him that he has to go to the doctor. He walks out of the bathroom and declares, "I can't open my eye!" He's in so much pain he can barely open it enough for me to take a look. Gross. I call my eye doctor and there is one appointment left at 11:30. My class is at 12:15. I make the appointment and call the music office to cancel class. What else can I do?? The verdict: severe corneal abrasion. Fraction of an inch down and he would have had permanent vision loss. The doc puts in a contact lens so he can blink/keep his eye open. He has three gigs in the mountains that weekend. Guess what my job is going to be? Chauffeur/roadie/sound tech for the weekend. Grading and planning plans go bye bye. Please don't make me re-live when the truck broke down in the mountains with all the gear inside, will you? It's still painful. Or yesterday when it happened AGAIN outside of his third and final follow-up eye doctor visit. Two and a half hours of sitting in the parking lot, a tow truck, a mechanic, a pounding headache and possible heat stroke was involved.

And now here are some pretty photos from my vacation to look at to get that horrible story out of your head (cue muzak...):

butterfly in my mom's garden

statue of Major General Philip Schuyler in front of Albany City Hall

flagpole shot

mom's cat Tink sleeping in the window

OK, did that do it for you? Butterflies, flowers, kitty cats? Was that a good enough brain palate cleanser? OK. (deep breath)

I am actually multi-tasking. As I type I am importing jazz albums into iTunes. As I type I'm starting to feel better about my list of things to do. As I type I'm convincing myself that my blood pressure is going down and not up. The one really big bonus about prepping for jazz history class is that I LOVE jazz. Can't get enough. The house has been full of jazz and there have been occasions of me bursting into song and quoting a Charlie Parker saxophone lick or doing my best Ella Fitzgerald impression or (when I'm alone) I'll bust out my clarinet and attempt to play "Green Dolphin Street" like Eric Dolphy. Jazz makes me happy. That's the best part of it. So prepare for jazzy updates over the next few weeks!

As for right now I'm a bit preoccupied. I ate a sandwich earlier and it had pickled veggies on it and it was very salty. I'm off to drink a lot of water and watch some jazz DVDs...

thanks to Rosemary at Content In A Cottage blog for turning me on to this spoof of the famous "Keep Calm and Carry On" poster. It's perfect for a procrastinator like me!

long lost me

2010-07-20T18:06:00.001-06:00

I haven't stopped blogging - I was just on vacation! I actually thought about blogging while in NY visiting my family, but I didn't get around to it.
I will be posting a "what I did on my summer vacation" blog soon - complete with pictures! As of right now I am too exhausted to do anything else other than veg on the couch. My flight landed at midnight, I didn't get to sleep til after 2:30am and I had to report for jury duty at 8:30am! I was picked in the first juror group of the day and I was the last juror picked in my court room. That makes for a looooong day.

to Walmart or not to Walmart...?

2010-07-02T14:48:00.001-06:00

Yesterday I went to Walmart. My desire for saving money over ruled any ideas I had about Walmart - you know: cheaply made products, child labor, running out the small mom-and-pop stores, the stereotypical clientele....
I was both amazed and concerned with how cheap (price-wise) everything was. I mean, the $5 jug of Tide at Walmart is the same jug of $14 Tide I get at the grocery store, but I believe you get what you pay for with clothes. The $9 sundress is not going to be skillfully made and it probably will barely last til the end of the summer., but $2 for a very large refill of Lysol kitchen cleaner??? wow.

Admittedly I waltz into Target on a regular basis - but I am looking to stretch my $$$ as much as possible - and I couldn't believe how much money I saved buying the items I regularly do at the grocery store or Target. While I am happy that I did save money, I'm still feeling conflicted about shopping there. I recently read an article about how Walmarts are now buying produce and dairy from local farmers - and a blind taste test was done comparing Walmart produce with Whole Foods produce - and Walmart won out. Whoa. Read the The Great Grocery Smackdown article and the Walmart Bests Whole Foods in Blind Taste Test article. The other thing to note is that identical food was purchased at both stores and the Walmart bill was 25% less.

Any one else struggle with the corporate steamroller that is Walmart...?

I helped raise $24,000 to fight Parkinson's disease...

2010-06-13T12:44:00.000-06:00

Last weekend was the 5th annual Parkinson's Alliance benefit that is sponsored by Quixote's True Blue - a music venue here in Denver. This year the price of admission included a jazz band during a catered brunch and music by Polytoxic and Blackbird. Polytoxic performed a 1985 Grateful Dead show from Red Rocks and Blackbird performed select Beatles songs. There are three brothers that own the venue and their mom died of Parkinson's -- the Dead show performed was also significant -- it was two of the brother's first Dead show that they saw together. The community surrounding these bands came out in full force to help raise money for a good cause. I was proud to be a part of this as well - my grandfather died of Parkinson's years ago. Here are some photos from the event:

some of the crowd - we performed outside in a courtyard and it was HOT that day!!

Polytoxic (John is on percussion)

me shakin' my maracas with John in the background

me and Evan

we had a lot of people on stage for the 2nd set - a string quartet and a few horns hiding in the back...

John singing "With a Little Help From My Friends"

"When I'm Sixty-Four"

photo courtesy of my friend Ed

one of my favorite dresses....

OK - that's it for now. I hope everyone has had a great weekend. We had tornado watches and warnings on Friday - then a cold front moved in and brought a lot of rain and thunderstorms. It's cooled down a lot - it was just about 100 degrees a few days ago and now it's 45. That's Colorado weather!!

experiencing soaring happiness and crushing defeat at the same time...

2010-06-09T12:45:00.002-06:00

So remember when I said I submitted a paper to a popular music conference in England? (read about it HERE) Well, it got accepted!!! Yea for meeee!

Here's the downer: I can't go. I searched for travel assistance and couldn't find any. I went to the head of my department and was told they do not give travel money to part timers. I was told the department of International Studies had "tons of extra travel money that wasn't being used" but I could not use it because I was part time. I went to the Dean of my school and was again denied. If I were a full time professor I wouldn't need to ask for travel money because I would be making enough to buy a $1200 plane ticket (yes, that's actually how much it costs)!

My paper was accepted at an INTERNATIONAL conference - this was an opportunity for me to represent my school in a different country and they couldn't help me AT ALL. I even looked for grants but the only ones I could find were for currently enrolled students. I'm seriously bummed, to put it mildly. I actually considered getting out on the street corner with a sign and asking for money, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. (sigh)

I've decided to put a positive spin on it. I've been trying to present this paper at an academic conference for some time and it FINALLY got accepted and I can't afford to get there. I'm going to take this as a good sign: that there was someone out there (finally) that got it and was interested in my point of view and my original research. There has to be others out there (within the continental United States..ahem...) that will feel the same way about it, right? I will keep on keepin' on - that's the only thing I can do.

It still is pretty damn disappointing though...

my cat needs Prozac...?

2010-05-30T13:07:00.002-06:00

I'm still around - just on vacation. After my grading frenzy I decided to lay low for the two weeks I had off from anything to do with teaching/musicological/grading/answering emails, etc. I've been working in the garden (pics to come), sitting in the sun, reading (usually both of those at the same time), cleaning house (in many, many ways...), laundry, going for hikes, grilling, hanging with good friends and generally just making sure I'm organized and ready to go for Tuesday when summer classes start.
Bill the cat has had what the vet calls "a serious case of litter box aversion." Which means he's been peeing and pooping on the floor and on the furniture. I brought him to the vet to make sure he doesn't have an infection or anything else wrong and she seems to think it's behavioral and not medical. He's not acting different, not sleeping more or less, not eating or drinking more or less - he's pretty much same ol' same ol' - except for the pissing all over everything. Ugh. Cat pee is the WORST smell ever and I'm trying hard to save the papasan chair cushion. We'll see. We'll see.
The vet thinks he may need Prozac. Prozac!!!! For a cat! WTF??? hahahahaaa!!! We talked about things to do for him so he'll use the litter box and this is what I've done: went to the pet store and bought a brand new bag of litter - the same brand, but just a new bag. Who knows - something about the old bag my have offended him in some way - anyway - I scrubbed out his box, filled it with new litter but I left the top off just to see what he did. He's been using the box for the past few days with no problem. I spent a few hundred $$$ for nothing probably - although you never know - it's always good to make sure the animal isn't ill in any way - but STILL. I don't get paid in June so this was a big blow to the bank account.
I'm still awaiting blood/urine test results from the doc. I also finally found out how much the fluffernutter weighs: 14 pounds - although he looks much bigger. You be the judge!

UPDATE: the vet called and said that Bill is the healthiest cat she's seen in a very long time. Kidneys of steel! He's just being a jerk.

is a few hundred dollars worth my privacy?

2010-05-17T15:54:00.001-06:00

I don't think so. This is the deal:

A few months ago I received a survey in the mail along with $10. Cash. I thought it was odd that the Nielsen ratings company was sending cash in the mail, but I filled out the very brief survey (because I just didn't want to spend that $10 on a few beers later on that night without doing anything for it..) that yes, I like PBS and the History Channel but not so much MTV or the Oxygen Network. I sent it in and received a check for $20. Shrug. Cool.
I'm sitting outside today in the sun, reading a book, mentally and spiritually preparing for more grading a bit later (I was grading at 2am this morning so sitting in the sun for a few hours made perfect sense to me) and up to my house walk two women. They're from the Nielsen Corp and told me that I've been chosen for a ratings box in my home - I think they were waiting for me to thank them and that I've been waiting for this my whole life - but instead I just sort of looked at them over my sunglasses. I get instantly annoyed when I start to get the spiel about ANYTHING - especially if someone is trying to sell me something. The woman promptly announced that she was not going to sell me anything but that checks were going to be sent to me for my participation. Well. That got my attention. I couldn't imagine it was going to be a lot of $$ but I let her talk to me and said sure I was interested. She had some of my basic info but she opened up the laptop and started asking more questions: have I or anyone in the house bought any of these items within the last 90 days: soda, wine, bottled water, coffee, tea? She smiled nicely. I scowled. "I don't see why you need this information...," I say and she explains about ad placement and TV shows and my age group and I grudgingly give her the answers. She asks if I have a dog, a cat, a few other questions and then if I or anyone in the house has cars registered in our names and what are the makes and models. All the while I am growing more and more uncomfortable. I say, "I'm very uncomfortable giving out this information" and she again explains it's not going to be used individually with my name but only with the age group I fall in and yadda yadda yadda. I smile just as nicely and say that perhaps I'm not interested in having the Nielsen box/tracker thingy in my home and I'm DEFINITELY not interested in them tracking what websites I access on my computer (!!!!!!!!!). She looks like she just lost her best friend and tells me how RARE it is to be chosen. Chosen. I look around to see if I'm being bathed in a shaft of sunlight coming down from the sky and I strain to hear a choir of angels. Hmpf. She gives me her card and says she'll call me in a few days. Perhaps I want to do some research on the company? "You know we've been doing this since TV came about in the 1950s and we are not interested in harming anyone." I look at her without expression. The woman tagging along with her is obviously being trained and I see them exchange glances. Am I the difficult chosen participant that is all "I don't want the government knowing what I do in my own home" type?? I'm certainly not the paranoid person that covers my windows (and my head) in tin foil so the government can't see me or hear my thoughts with their new-fangled satellites that spy from the sky.
They leave and I am left still feeling VERY uncomfortable. I think about this more: do I really want the Nielsen people in their big glass and chrome-y looking building in Florida (I saw it in the brochure...) knowing exactly what I'm watching and when? I share enough on here and Facebook (I refuse to Twitter or tweet -- or whatever the hell it is...) - so I do I really want that?

I don't think so. I'd be getting a check for $100 a few weeks after the ratings tracker is installed, $50 six months after that and $100 every six months until the end of two years when I get $150. No thanks. I've been taught to trust my gut and I felt so uncomfortable I literally felt sick to my stomach. I learned not too long ago that our guts emit some sort of chemical that is also present in our brains. When we say that "I trusted my gut" or "my gut told me to run," etc., we need to pay attention because it's actually our brains that are telling us to do something very important.

Sorry Nielsen ladies, company, et al. A few hundred bucks isn't worth it...and why was I carefully read a statement that if I were to participate I couldn't tell anyone that I was doing it - including strangers, friends or announce it online through any social network or blog (heh heh)?

punctuation goes inside of quotation marks...

2010-05-11T14:34:00.001-06:00

I should have that tattooed on my forehead.

Really. I am ready to gouge my eyes out! Wait - that ended with a preposition. UGH. I'm in the midst of grading papers and they're really quite awful. I get a handful of really good ones and then a loooooooong run of papers that are essentially an eight page text message. The easiest thing in the world to do is click "check spelling." Really...but the students don't even do that!!! I realize that we all make mistakes. I take this into consideration - especially with my students. I've made some doozies in my life - on occasion they were overlooked, forgiven and forgotten - other times I've had to pay for them - and quite dearly....BUT - if a student can't follow the simple instructions of an assignment I can't really do anything about that one besides keep subtracting points as I read. Holy frustration. I've been plugging away at the grading but I need to take frequent breaks. Like now, for instance. I'm taking a break by venting on my blog =)

Here is a list of things that I've been doing ~~to avoid grading papers~~ on my grading breaks:

clean the toilet
laundry
empty the cat box
clean the basement
take a shower
sit in the sun (this one I did last week and wouldn't you know it - karma's a bitch. I got a nasty sunburn. That's what I get!)
read a book that has nothing to do with music and/or music history
Facebook
blog
vacuum
clean the kitchen

You get the idea? Some of the them are much more enjoyable than others..but really?!?!? I'd much rather clean the toilet and basement than grade??? You got it.

baseball

2010-05-08T13:59:00.001-06:00

It measures just nine inches in circumference, weighs only about five ounces, and is made of cork wound with woolen yarn, covered with two layers of cowhide and stitched by hand precisely 216 times. It travels 60 feet 6 inches from the pitcher's mound to home - and it can cover that distance at nearly 100 mph. Along the way it can be made to twist, spin, curve, wobble, rise or fall away.

The bat is made of turned ash, less than 42 inches long, not more than 2 3/4 inches in diameter. The batter has only a few thousandths of a second to decide to hit the ball - and yet the men who fail seven times out of ten are considered the game's greatest heros.

Baseball is played everywhere: in parks and playgrounds and prison yards, in back alleys and farmer's fields, by small children and old men, by raw amateurs and millionaire professionals. It is a leisurely game that demands blinding speed, and the only one in which the defense has the ball. It follows the seasons, beginning each year with the fond expectancy of springtime and ending with the hard facts of autumn.

Americans have played baseball for more than 200 years, while they conquered a continent, warred with one another and with enemies abroad, struggled over labor and civil rights and the meaning of freedom. At the game's heart lie mythic contradictions: a pastoral game, born in crowded cities; an exhilarating democratic sport that tolerates cheating and has excluded as many as it has included; a profoundly conservative game that sometimes manages to be years ahead of its time.

It is an American odyssey that links sons and daughters to fathers and grandfathers - and it reflects a host of age-old American tensions: between workers and owners, scandal and reform, the individual and the collective. It is a haunted game in which every player is measured against the ghosts of all who have gone before. Most of all, it is about time and timelessness, speed and grace, failure and loss, imperishable hope - and coming home.
from Baseball: An Illustrated History. Geoffrey C. Ward and Ken Burns

(sigh) This is why I love baseball.

one of my favorite players: Yaz

enjoying the here and now

2010-05-05T23:10:00.001-06:00

I would like to thank Elle at "A" for Effort, "B" for Blog for showin' some love and sending some blog bling my way:

This originally came from Kathie at Just a Happy Housewife. The rules are:

“The only rule for this award is that if you accept it, please don't keep it to yourself. Please pass this along to others and share the bling!”

This award is just for fun and to say thank you! Thank you for entertaining, teaching, inspiring and supporting me. Thank you for all that you contribute to the blogosphere!

Awwww. Thanks! This came at a great time - just when I did not feel like writing at all. It's nice to know that there are good people out there (sigh).

I'm passing this along to:

Rosemary and her pup Webster over at Content in a Cottage. She makes multiple posts a day and they always include interesting ideas and photos for inside and outside the house. She's a collector and lover of books - a kindred spirit!
Adventures of a Yankee Girl - you will not be able to stop reading about the sex challenge to do it 700 times in year AND the saga of the broken pelvis...!!!
The Road Less Traveled - Chasity posts a new photo every day. This is a wonderful photo blog accompanied by a short poem or line to accompany the pics. Dig it.
Leaza at My Flirty 30s writes about her dating experiences around town. She is a fellow Denverite and she never fails to amuse with her witty tales.
Em Static over at Heart and Hairspray - I always look forward to this transplanted Jersey girl's posts about now living in New Orleans, dealing with the 'burbs, the dogs next door, her love of cute shoes, waiting tables and dealing with it all.

OK - that's it for now =)

I've been going through some hard core stuff lately - some things that I don't really feel comfortable blogging about right now, but I imagine I will eventually. I have to keep telling myself to stay positive and look on the bright side of things. I have a job, I have an amazingly supportive boyfriend (this is the best relationship I have ever been in), I have a great family, I have great friends, I eat well, I find the time to do the things I like and ton of other happy shit. I've been highly stressed out in another area and I'm making my way and making some serious decisions about my future. Any supportive and good vibes sent my way will be greatly appreciated!!!

On another topic, I know that I'm a very impatient person -- in general -- and I've realized that in the past I have not been content - even with something like the weather: either it's too cold, it's too rainy, not warm enough, etc. etc. I told myself that I should enjoy the spring rainy weather - embrace it and find things to enjoy about it. I find that I'm wishing that it would hurry up and get warmer, or that the semester will hurry up and end or that I can't wait for this or that or for the weekend or WHAT EVER. I wasn't enjoying the here and now and what was happening. I was looking past it to what was coming next. How can I find peace if I keep doing this??? I don't know how I figured it out but I did about a week or so ago. I was cleaning my closet of all things, and I had an epiphany. Ever since the light bulb went on over my head after I was putting away my sweaters the stress level has (mostly) gone down. I know that time marches on and I shouldn't be willing it to go any faster. I'm basically taking time to smell the roses - literally and figuratively. This doesn't mean that I'm going to be any lazier than I already have the capability to be...heh heh...oh no! Then I'd NEVER get anything done -- but I'm finding enjoyment in things that I usually don't like to do. Such as cleaning the kitchen (I usually avoid it and it defaults to John). I actually enjoy doing laundry - there is something satisfying about the sense of accomplishment. I start with baskets of dirty laundry and end up with sweet smelling, clean clothes - so I'm trying to think about the kitchen in that way - of enjoying the process and the end result.
I just received a phone call from John and he's staying in the mountains tonight after his gig - do I like sleeping alone? Hell, no - but having the bed to myself is a rare treat (see, I'm putting a positive spin on it!!). So I'm trying to do this in many different ways.

The real trick is to apply it to grading papers.
Ack!
=)

adventures of last weekend

2010-04-23T00:40:00.003-06:00

I started to write a post the other day and about five sentences in I realized I DID NOT want to write. I was uninspired. Still am. I just wanted to let everyone know things are OK and I'm still here...although not motivated to write anything witty. I am BURIED with papers, assignments and quizzes to grade - it's taking up all my time and energy.

meh.

But I have been having fun and here are some pics as proof:

How I spent my Thursday afternoon: at Coors Field, in the sun in perfect 68 degree weather, drinking expensive cheap beer and watching the Mets beat the Rox 5-0. Boooooo!!

How I spent Thursday night: seeing one of my favorite bands (moe.) at a great Denver venue (The Gothic Theatre)

moe.

Where I spent Friday, Saturday and Monday night to see more moe. and Them Crooked Vultures

yep - I was in the same (big) room as Dave Grohl (droool), John Paul Jones and Josh Homme (me-yow)

new posters from the weekend:

(I'm a collector, btw...)

moe.

and....

Them Crooked Vultures

(notice the Foo Fighters, Led Zeppelin and

Queens of the Stone Age logos in there? Clever.)

yippie....!

it's getting better all the time...

2010-04-10T16:31:00.001-06:00

I don't have time for a lengthy post because I'm taking a break from grading, grading, grading so I can hang with some friends tonight - but I wanted to post some pics from the gig the other night. I will write about it SOON. (Thanks to my friend Ed for taking awesome photos like the professional he is...and to my friend Genny who took the best amateur pics she could!!)

Playing flute on "You've Got To Hide Your Love Away"

Shakin' my maracas with John.

Playing clarinet on "When I'm Sixty Four"

With the string quartet in front getting ready to play "Yesterday," "Eleanor Rigby," and

"All You Need Is Love"

Me in the background with singer/guitarist Evan - the mastermind behind Blackbird

The show was a blast and everyone had a great time. Our next gig is at Pete's Monkey Bar on Saturday, May 15th. Hopefully peeps will be able to stay later since it's on a Saturday night....and more will be able to come in general.

Whoop!

Guten Taaaaaag!

2010-04-08T16:55:00.002-06:00

We talked about Brahms in class the other day and the next afternoon I received this link from one of my students:

I've been watching it over and over and laugh hysterically every time. The best part is when the kids yell, "Johannes Braaaaahms!" when he busts through the wall with the grand piano. Hysterical!! The little boy's face is great when he eats the cereal. Watch and laugh!!
=)

it's all too much

2010-04-03T17:35:00.000-06:00

I've been busy. That's a good thing....I guess. While not physically on campus teaching the future of America I've been grading, practicing, reading, at rehearsal, sleeping, eating or lounging on the couch watching TV (an activity that is NEEDED). I just got home from a four hour rehearsal and my brain is a bit fried. I've been thinking the past few days about blogging, but any free time I have I'm not even interested in blogging (sigh). I've been lurking around blogs I follow and reading - sometimes commenting, sometimes not. Sometimes other things take priority and blogging has been at the bottom of the list this past week.

I got my hands on a flute - being a faculty member has its benefits, apparently. It's a student flute but that's cool - I haven't played one in years and years - so the school let me sign one out and that was that! I've only had it for two days but have been practicing for about five/six hours each day. I'm worried about my intonation and all around getting used to the instrument again. I thought my left hand was going to turn into a claw yesterday but I kept pushing through. Tylenol has been helping with wrist and general hand/finger pain but I know it will get better.

The thing that's been bothing me the most are my lips - they are chapped beyond chapped. They are a very attractive color but that doesn't override the flaky texture and pain. I've actually been applying Neosporin to them a few times a day. It helps, but really?!?!? Again, I just need to get used to playing again.

The first Blackbird gig is this Thursday, April 8th at the Highland Pacific Restaurant - 10pm (for those of you in and/or around the Denver area). I'm playing clarinet on "When I'm Sixty Four" and flute on "You've Got To Hide Your Love Away" and "Here Comes The Sun." I am making my tambourine and maraca shakin' debut as well.

I'm having a hard time concentrating on this - my brain is not in writing mode - so I'm off to find some vodka =)

(anyone catch the Beatles reference in the blog title...??)

back in the saddle again...

2010-03-25T09:25:00.001-06:00

I hope you thought of Gene Autry and not Aerosmith with that blog title. Anyway - this post isn't about either of them (!) It's about the fact that I'm playing my clarinet again - and I'll also be playing in public in a few weeks. Gasp! It's been...oh...let's see....I dunnooooo.....somewhere around 14 years since I've played in public. Public meaning in front of more than a person or two - outside of lessons and screwing around in the house.

What spurred this? John and his guitarist/singer friend Evan put together an acoustic Beatles project that they dubbed Blackbird. I was like, "oh! Are you guys playing "When I'm Sixty Four"? I'll play the clarinet part." (I TOTALLY invited myself to the party.) John was interested for a few reasons: he keeps bugging me to play my instrument more often and I'm sure he wanted to encourage the fact that I offered. Evan was skeptical as there are three clarinets (two Bb and one bass) in the arrangement. I said, "listen - I can play the parts that are the most obvious - the ones that people recognize and expect to hear. The rest is just harmonic gravy and if you have other instruments covering, it won't be a big deal. To play that song WITHOUT the timbre of the clarinet wouldn't work." I guess he thought about it because when I saw him on Tuesday night I brought it up to him again. I don't think he knew that at some point in my former life I was a professional clarinet player (a degree and all to prove it!) Evan asked, "can you be ready to do this in two weeks?" My answer, while sipping on some yummy single malt scotch and looking up from some assignments I was grading at the bar (don't judge!!!) was, "pffft. Sure!" It slowly occurred to my scotch-soaked brain that I hadn't picked up my instrument in at least a year - I wasn't afraid or intimidated of the material - the part isn't difficult at all - but I should be worried about my tone. Oh shit. What if I pick up the instrument and I sound as thin and flat as the smushed squirrel I saw out in the street the other day? OK, well, I have two weeks to play every day and get into tip-top shape.
Yesterday I busted out the clarinet and was going through reeds to see which ones I liked, which needed some work and which were not an option. As I was running through some scales I realized I didn't sound half bad! Last year around the same time I started playing again and I was pretty much disgusted at my sound - which was motivating for me to practice a lot and I kept it up for a few months...then...who knows what happened. I just stopped - but yesterday I was surprised that I actually sounded pretty good! I then realized my endurance is horrible. I can't play for more than a few minutes without feeling like my face is about to fall off. Remembering how I used to practice for eight - ten hours a day back in college seems like an utterly ridiculous feat. It will all come back to me...yes it will. =)
In the midst of all this, Evan stopped by to drop off some sheet music and to ask if I would also play the flute on a few tunes as well (more on that in a minute). As I look at the sheet music for the clarinet parts I realize it's not transposed and written in the wrong clef. REALLY? OK - now I have to dust off my transposition skills. I will not bore you the details, but after I sat down to re-write and incorporate three clarinet lines into one, it came out pretty well. Today I need to write out the part on some staff paper so I can actually read it.

I was looking over the flute music and it's not all that hard, so I put together the instrument and started to play. The more I played the more I realized that it's in bad shape. There are some pads that need to be replaced and then I noticed some pins were broken. That's that for the flute (for now!) I currently don't have the $$ to get it repaired, so I'm hoping that I can find someone that will let me borrow one for a bit. It doesn't hurt to ask, right?
So - what was meant to be a short post developed into this. I'm off to find my staff paper =)

making sense of where we're going by looking back at where we've been...

2010-03-22T23:36:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I wonder why I am who I am. Why do I like certain things? Why did I have an overwhelming desire to play the clarinet when I was in 3rd grade? It certainly wasn't a craving for popularity, I can tell you that. Why did I beg my mom to let me take the bus to the library on Saturday afternoons and after school? I was satisfied with the local library until I discovered (not sure how) the large public library across the river in Troy. There was lots of marble and wrought iron spiral staircases and walkways, dark stacks, quiet corners and so much information. Sometimes it didn't matter what the book was all about - at times I would wander around and try to find the oldest books I could (not being aware of special collections) and enjoy the smell that wafted up when I would find a book I was sure hadn't been opened in yeaaaarrrs. Why have I always liked old photographs, vintage clothing, old books, old jewelry -- you see a pattern here? It's interesting to think about it - especially considering my upbringing. I recall my Mom and Dad would read every now and then, but it wasn't all the time. My parents didn't play a musical instrument and music wasn't played very often in the house. They are not collectors of antiques. I know my grandfather played the clarinet and saxophone (his clarinet was my first instrument) but no one else in the family did. My brother played the clarinet and my sister played the flute - both of them for a small window of time - so why did I choose to go to college for a music education/clarinet performance degree? I suppose it's all nature vs. nurture and all that happy shit, but it's always seemed to me that I am the black sheep of the family - interested in things no one else seemed to care about. My brother (older than me by eight years) used to torture me by sitting on me, pulling on my toes to crack them, tickle me til I just about peed myself and tell me I was adopted. Sometimes I thought he was right but then I would realize I look too much like my mom for that to be true...right..?
It's very fitting that I am a music historian - because I can add old music to the list of old things that I like. I like new music too (of course!) but my chosen profession makes sense. I view myself as a historian - one that attempts to make sense of where we're going by looking back at where we've been. I do this by studying music - old and new - and history. Especially American history...but that's another blog for another time...

uhhh, just a quick aside:
Um, does anyone know if shea butter can go bad? I have some and just found it after being lost (ahem: for years) to the depths of my linen closet. It doesn't smell icky, but ... eh..it feels weird on my skin - sticky - and I suddenly want to jump back in the shower to wash it all off. I dunno. If anyone has had a personal experience with this, please let me know. Thanks.

So yeah. I have old pictures all over the house: some of my brother and sister when the were very young, pics of my parents when they were dating, my grandparents wedding photo, pics of my mom when she was a few years old having a tea party with her dolls in the back yard and a favorite of my mom and grandmother in Central Park in all their 1940s fashion glory, my dad as a teen... I go to thrift and/or vintage stores and love to look at everything. I will pick up an old pair of shoes and wonder what adventures the woman that owned them experienced while wearing them. What kind of heartbreak or joyous occasion took place? Was my favorite black eyelet over-layed 1950s wiggle dress worn to cocktail parties? Funerals? Weddings? What about the fabulous 1940s gray dress with white polka dots with the short sleeved matching jacket (with the faux crystal buttons)? The 1970s multi-colored double-knit polyester floor length dress? The quilted skirt that looks like a stained-glass window? The leopard-print jumpsuit (one of my personal favs)?? All of these (and more gems like them that live in my closet) were worn by other women and I am always struck by what they may have seen. The same goes for used books. Who opened these books with great anticipation and savored each word of these stories? If I happen to come across old letters or post cards forget it --- I can make up adventures or stories about these people all day long. I even dig looking at old tools and imagining what type of things were built or repaired while using them....(sigh)
I think I have an over-active imagination.

Here are a few pics of the gray dress and jumpsuit:

gettin' down at Bottoms and Jason's wedding - with the jacket on...

and with my friend Emily - with the jacket off....

the leopard print jumpsuit in all its glory!!!!

chandelier made of 14,000 tampons

2010-03-20T16:33:00.001-06:00

I first saw this on Content In A Cottage blog - and then I clicked on the link to see the original article.
This is certainly something! Incredible and creative! I would have NEVER thought of making a chandelier out of tampons....or ANYTHING made out of tampons...!
Click here to see the original article and additional photos (including close-ups)
=)

mother nature is a tease...

2010-03-16T15:12:00.003-06:00

Spring fever: oh yeah, I've got it. It's not as bad as it usually is. The reason for that is we didn't experience the freak 60 degree day in January or the random 80 degree day or two in February. When that happens it's a big tease - Mother Nature says, "mmmm...it's nice, isn't it? Are you enjoying this warm weather? Sure, go ahead and put on a pair of shorts and dig out your sandals from the back of the closet. Expose your little white piggies to the sun! Pull up a chair and read a book and soak in the rays. You're going to fire up the grill? By all means! I insist...!" Then she lays a massive bitch-slap on everyone the next day when we wake up to temperatures that are at least 40 degrees colder and wet, ploppy snow. Sigh. This winter has been pretty consistent with the temperature - what one would expect for winter-time. Last Saturday was 60 and I put aside grading to get outside and take a look at the garden. I still had tall, dead plants hanging out that needed to be cut down and a ton of dead leaves that needed to be cleared. As I pulled away the leaves and flopped-over dead and dried out plants I noticed little green sprouts popping up out of the ground. JOY! This inspired me to start clearing out in earnest. I had to control myself because it's only March, you know - and March is the snowiest month in Colorado - so I didn't want to clear out all the leaves and expose the delicate growing plants to cold and snow. I leave the leaves in the garden every year to insulate and protect the perennials from the winter weather. I usually don't have time to even look at the garden with any interest until at least May. I guess my organizational skills this semester are paying off!!

So I spent a few hours in the March sunshine, armed with my leather palmed gardening gloves (TOTALLY worth the extra $$) and trimmed, cleared, pulled and swept. I was happy to see the lemon thyme, oregano and garlic chives are coming back nicely. The rosemary is still hanging on but I'm deeply suspicious that it will really come back so I may have to plant another. The Italian parsley is nowhere to be found in the original area where it was last year, but I keep finding little parsley plants sprouting up everywhere else in the garden. Perhaps I'll let them go for a bit then relocate them...

The orange poppies that I love so much are coming up all over the place. Four years ago I started with one small plant and every year they re-seed themselves - they've spread across the whole garden and I even see them growing in the neighbors yard (I hope they like them...). The snapdragons, cosmos, hollyhocks, lambs ears, echinacea, yarrow and butterfly plant are coming up but I'm worried about the blanket flower and lavender. I think it might be too early so I'll just have to wait it out. I'm going to wait awhile before cutting back the Russian sage - cutting it back gives the plant the signal to start sprouting and I don't want to do that too early.

my garden last year:

echinacea, poppies and lavender

poppies

cosmos

When I woke on Sunday morning it was cold and snowy - go figure! - and I was concerned about all the seedlings I had exposed the day before. I took a look and they seemed OK - these plants have been here for awhile and they can take the crazy weather changes. Yesterday was 50, today is 65 and tomorrow is supposed to be 70! Just my luck: I'll be inside giving midterms all day tomorrow - so I made sure all my work for today was done by last night so I could go outside and enjoy the day today. I spent some time sitting outside on the front steps in the sun reading a book, took a walk around the garden to see if there were any changes (not really) and looking at all the creepy-crawly things that are starting to venture out in the sun. Ants, flying bugs that I cannot identify, bees and piggy-backing flies were all around. When I was in the garden on Saturday I found a ladybug - I got up to grab my camera and when I returned it was gone. I think I saw the same one again today - it was very fat and it looked like it had a hard time reaching a reasonable flying altitude. A bird was sitting in the sun, occasionally chirping in the bare tree. The prayer flags are flying in the warm breeze. I really can't wait until that day when everything starts to really grow all at once - the trees flower and the leaves appear, bees and hummingbirds come back to the garden, cocktails on the porch, baseball games and warm nights. Bring it on!

uh oh - reality check: forecast for Friday: 32 and snow....

Obama's package

2010-03-11T21:33:00.002-07:00

heh.

nerd alert!

2010-03-10T22:33:00.001-07:00

My head has been wrapped around all of my music and baseball research and how to go about organizing all the material and information. I may have it figured out but I don't think I should say that it's absolutely set in stone as of yet. The beauty of it all is that I can change it around if I so desire. I think that I need to have an initial way of organizing everything or else I will be very tempted to pull out my hair.

heh heh - I just considered listing how I'm actually organizing things and I decided that I wouldn't subject anyone to any of that just yet (grin).

so anywaaaaysssss....

My brain has been hurting because of the obsessive music and baseball topic and I haven't thought about much else - especially how to "market" this idea for conferences and journals. One day I'm searching through a call for papers through the American Musicological Society message board and I see a call for a subject that is right. up. my. alley. I couldn't believe it- and nope - it has nothing to do with baseball (surprise surprise). One of my master's thesis papers was written about the band Phish. I was (and suppose I still am to a certain extent - but not as uh, rabid...) a Phish kid. I toured all around the country for years - followed them from city to city, show to show and had a blast doing it. I met some really great people along the way and I figured that I'd get my money's worth out of it and put my experience into a thesis paper. The paper is essentially about fan-dom and the idea of pilgrimage and religion in the Phish community. The call for papers is for a conference about fan-dom in popular music! (nerd alert - nerd alert!) Holy crap! As my eyes were excitedly darting around the message and my brain wasn't really comprehending everything it was picking up I slowly realized that there was a "uk" at the end of the email to send the proposal. My brain in its fevered excitement was having a hard time processing where the conference was going to be held. --------- um, yep. OK. England. Aw, man! I don't have the $$$ to go to friggin' England! (like the proposal was already accepted or something...)

I've sent an email to the head of the department asking about travel funds for conferences and I'm doing some independent research for travel grants for such a thing. I am in the process of writing up the proposal to send in soon. What the hell, it's worth a try, huh? Wouldn't it be the biggest pisser if it got accepted and I couldn't make it?? I'll cross that bridge when I get to it, I guess....

A few photos that I took from the Phish shows last summer (7/30-8/2) at Red Rocks - one of the most breathtaking venues around --

that pretty much says it all

2010-03-09T22:46:00.001-07:00

photo taken the summer of 2008 in Brigantine, NJ

"stale weenies again?!?"

2010-03-06T23:32:00.002-07:00

I saw these Dogville Comedies on TCM a few months ago and it was so bizarre I had to find it on youtube to laugh all over again. This is just an excerpt - but I laugh hysterically when the dog holds up the bent fork at 2:11 --- enjoy! =)

since when is it OK to talk during a movie...?

2010-03-06T21:18:00.001-07:00

As a teacher I'm appalled at the behavior of my students: talking, texting, sleeping, etc. I'm surprised I have to tell them to zip it, put the phone away or stay awake during classes. I have no tolerance for this type of behavior. I treat people the way I would like to be treated - isn't that the "golden rule?" Imagine my horror last night as I was sitting in the movie theatre to see Alice in Wonderland. In the suburbs. On a Friday evening. BIG MISTAKE.

My friend Doug shot me a text about happy hour and AIW - cocktails and an early show...? I'm in. I avoid the movie theatre on Friday and Saturday nights at all cost due to the high moron rate. I usually go see a movie in the middle of the week in the afternoon. Virtually no morons - everyone is there for the same reason - to see a movie, pay matinee prices, enjoy some popcorn and soda, sit in a quiet, dark theatre and have a good time.

As soon as I walked in I realized:
A.) I had forgotten it was Friday
B.) I had forgotten it was opening night
C.) I didn't even realize that some people would think that it was a family movie
D.) that there would be screaming children in attendance
E.) that I was in the 'burbs

F.) oh. shit.

There was no way that five of us were going to find seats together so we were on our own. John and I found two seats together close to the back (preferred) so we scooped them up. As I was walking down the row and saying "excuse me" over and over, a woman doesn't bother to move her feet in and I step on her foot. "Oh, I'm so sorry," I say, and go to take another step and wouldn't you know it - ? She still didn't move her foot so I step on it again. This time I almost fall over - popcorn goes flying, I almost take out a little kid and if I was going to lose my soda I was totally aiming for her lap (old server trick ). I get past that hurdle and when I sit in my seat I realize the kid I almost took out is hers. Great. Three seats to the right is a two year old. Since this kid's mother can't figure out to move out of the way when someone is coming down the row I figure the kid's not going to do much better throughout the duration of the movie. I look around the room and see a lot of kids. A. LOT.

Don't get me wrong - I like kids. I used to make a living at teaching the lil' rugrats - now I get paid to teach older students that think they're adults but act just like the 1st graders I used to teach....anyway...

If your kid can't keep his mouth shut through an entire movie, he is not yet old enough to venture out to a movie theatre to partake in the ritual of movie watching. In public. With strangers - who pay to watch a movie and to be able to hear every bit of dialogue. I paid - so what did I hear?? Oh, not one of my favorite parts - when Johnny Depp (yum...but that's another subject entirely) as the Mad Hatter was rattling off "Jabberwocky" in lispy glory while walking through a 3D enhanced forest - oh, no. All I heard was "rabbit! where's the rabbit??" Every damn time the White Rabbit was on the screen the kid yelled "RABBIT!" at the top of his lungs - and every time the rabbit wasn't on the screen he would ask where he was. His mom would say, "oh yes! That's a rabbit! Aren't you so smart?" Did she whisper that to him? Did she say, "yes honey, that's a rabbit. Now let's be quiet and watch the movie."??? Fuck no. She said it just as loudly as he did. This kid's father who was sitting next to John would turn to John and say, "hey, isn't my kid smart?" Needless to say, we both held our tongues. It was difficult. I was so distracted and annoyed I was starting to think that I couldn't wait for the movie to be over so I could get the hell out. I thought my luck had changed when I didn't hear the kid yelling about the rabbit....whew...."KITTY CAT!!" oh for fuck's sake! Now the Cheshire Cat was inspiring outbursts as well. As did the dogs, frogs, mice and any other creature that appeared in the movie.

The kid wasn't the only issue (if you can believe it...). The couple sitting next to me had
normal-conversation-volume-level discussions in the middle of the movie as well - but not even about what was happening in the movie. WTF?!? To top it off (I am now gasping from laughter because as I recount this - it's so freaking absurd it's hysterical...!) someone sitting by me smelled like pickles. No lie. I love pickles, but I don't want to smell like one. They smelled like a garlic dill pickle. Sheeeeeessssh.

The parents of the year got up and left the theatre with about five minutes to go because the kid started to scream. It was one of those screams that took a bit to get dynamically louder - kind of like a siren. Started a bit soft and gradually crescendoed into an all-out blood-curdling scream. Fan-tastic. So if I'm so appalled by the behavior of my students in class, just TRY to imagine how much my head was spinning when I walked out of the theatre. I wanted to stand up and yell, "Since when is it OK for people to have conversations in the middle of a movie?? Since when is it OK to bring children that are too young to a movie theatre?!??" It's called a babysitter. Or better yet, wait til the movie comes out on DVD so you can talk, scream and be rude in your own living room. For a moment I was concerned that I was over-reacting so I asked some of my friends that are parents. They too were horrified about what I witnessed. I know that my parents didn't bring me to a movie til I was around five - and if I misbehaved there would be holy hell to pay.

I want to learn from my experiences, so this is what I've learned:

A.) no more movies on Friday and/or Saturday nights
B.) no more movies in the 'burbs
C.) the 'burbs frighten me (that's another blog altogether...)

I missed so much of that movie from people talking and that kid screaming I'm going to have to see it again. Perhaps I'll just wait til it comes out on DVD...

baseball love

2010-03-03T20:13:00.002-07:00

I love baseball.

This picture is from a Rockies game - taken the summer of 2008

I am counting down the days til opening day.

Baseball....(sigh)

addicted to toast

2010-03-02T15:59:00.007-07:00

Yep. That's right. I love toast. Who doesn't love toast?? Warm crunchy bread with something gooey smeared on top. I'm eating some right now actually - trying not to get crumbs on my laptop and attempting to keep the greasy goodness off my fingers while I type. Yum! I'm particular about my toast. It must have enough butter on each slice so it's juicy when I bite into it...and yeah, it's real butter - none of that fake stuff. (shaking my head) I don't understand fake butter, ie: spread. Yick (shuddering with disgust).
I suppose I go through phases where I'm addicted to certain food items. There are times when I can't get enough cheese - I guess until the digestive tract tells me that yes, you have in fact had more than enough cheese - and please give it up for quite some time, thankyouverymuch. Sometimes it's something healthier like spinach or bananas. Too much of anything is just, well, too much - and the ol' digestive tract will revolt - no matter how "healthy" the item.

Ahem. Back to toast.

So. Butter - and a lot of it. This prompted a Facebook status update a few weeks ago of: "I love butter." - but that's not the only thing I like on my toast. Cream cheese is a topping of choice as well. I think I may love cream cheese more than butter...hm. Maybe I love them both equally. (shrug) They're both good. Needless to say at this point, I like a lot of cc on my toast as well:

I know, I know. This so isn't healthy. Look at all that cc! (Also note the red pen on the desk - a sure sign I've been grading away....) I had already eaten the buttered piece with raspberry jam on top (swoon!) before I started nom-nomming my way through this piece. I think that the bread is just the vehicle for the butter and cc - just like the chicken wing is the vehicle for enjoying wing sauce. Perhaps professing my love for this food item usually reserved for breakfast but enjoyable at any time of the day (especially when I'm hungry around 1am, watching TV in bed...) will get it out of my system. I was on a toast binge a few weeks ago but haven't thought about it until today. Perhaps I just needed some carbs and fat in my diet since I don't eat a lot of them normally (I'm justifying...let me do it...). I think it was the rise in blood pressure over the course of a few hours while grading lead to a drop in blood sugar. Hm. Sounds good. I'm going with it.

thank you!

2010-02-27T16:59:00.001-07:00

I wanted to take a break from what I call a "grading frenzy" to thank those of you that have stopped by the blog - and an especially big thanks to the ones that have decided to follow. I went from not being sure exactly who was reading what I was writing - or if anyone was at all - to having a few followers. My blog counter jumped from around 200 (in a span of over a year) to over 700 in about two weeks! Yea!! To me that is success. Finding SITS is the reason why and I'm grateful to everyone who leaves comments and finds what I include here somewhat enjoyable, amusing or relate-able. It does take some time to respond to everyone's comments but it's worth it to support fellow bloggers and let them know someone out there is reading, paying attention and appreciative of the hard work that goes into taking the time and effort to sit down and write.

What is this "grading frenzy?" Well, it's when I lock myself in my office and grade grade grade like crazy. This time around are stacks of what I call in-class musical descriptions - when I play a piece of music (a few times) for my students and they need to creatively describe the music they hear correctly using the musical vocabulary they've learned in class. I have non music majors doing this five times a semester. This culminates in a final paper where they have to attend the Colorado Symphony Orchestra and write about the music they heard performed and their experience at the concert. Do I bother to tell the students that these descriptions are difficult? Nope. I set the bar high and encourage them to never give up and always do their best. I can see pretty early on in the semester whether they understand the concepts or not and then I'm able to offer them extra help. Some will take me up on my offer and others don't care...which is bothersome to me, but I can't force it on them. They're adults (ahem...technically) and they make their own decisions. I try to stagger them in my different classes so I'm not overwhelmed by stacks of assignments to grade - and sometimes it works, but other times...? (sigh) Notsomuch.

Yesterday I went to lunch with a man I consider to be my mentor. I value his opinion and advice - and when I brought up my music and baseball research to him, he had a lot of constructive things to say about organization and how to go about "marketing" for conferences and journals. Everyone needs some encouragement when things look overwhelming, don't you agree?

vajazzle your vajayjay...?

2010-02-25T22:18:00.002-07:00

oh my. I saw this, said, "oof.", laughed hysterically and thought to post it and see what others think:

From momlogic.com:

During an appearance on "Lopez Tonight" Jennifer Love Hewitt told host George Lopez that she "vajazzles" -- or, as Completely Bare Spa in NYC calls it, goes "bare with flair." What's vajazzling, you ask? Essentially, it's accessorizing your privates.
The process is simple: First, you're vigorously waxed down there. Then, Swarovski crystals (or your own jewels) are placed on your nether-regions, in an artful design of your choice. The whole process (including waxing) costs $115 and lasts about five days.
So: Would YOU vajazzle?

a kinda wordless Wednesday...a day late

2010-02-25T21:22:00.001-07:00

So I thought I'd post some photos I took last summer. These photos are of a building thunderhead just down the street from me. All pictures are taken from the front of my house:

...and then it started to get ugly:

a tornado touched down a few miles away out of this cloud =/

things that go bump in the night

2010-02-20T21:56:00.003-07:00

I live on a pretty busy street. There's some, uhhh...interesting activity that takes place in the alley. Not as much as when I moved into this house four years ago, but every once in a while some weirdness goes down. There is a narrow walkway (when I was a kid we used to call them gangways..) between my house the next and I've seen all types of odd behavior there - from drug use, kids literally scaling the walls, young teens skipping school to drink Jim Beam and chase it with Dr. Pepper, etc. When I first moved in I found syringes and used condoms (shudder...ew) - the motion activated light has helped with deterring any sketchy activity, but the light bulb burned out a few months ago and I keep forgetting to change it - and I'm sure John does too. Last night reminded me that I need to replace the bulb - in a hurry.

I sometimes have trouble falling asleep at night and I combat that by laying in bed and watching TV til I feel sleepy. John was fast asleep and I was channel surfing. I hit the mute button when I heard something outside. (Please be aware that I live in a busy neighborhood - we hear all types of things at all hours of the day and night so I usually don't even notice many of them.) I had a sudden rush of adrenaline that made my body feel suddenly hot and made my blood run cold at the same time. It was the sound of my screen door opening downstairs. WTF?!? I glanced over at the clock - 2:20am. I was there in bed, TV on mute, eyes darting around the room like that would help me hear better. Over the sound of cars going by I heard another bumping sound. Sufficiently freaked out I woke up John. "Huh? Wha?" was his response to me saying, in a loud whisper, "John - John! I heard something downstairs. Outside." He sat up in bed and listened for about fifteen seconds then laid back down and said, "I don't hear it anymore." I shook my head and made a face. "What do you mean you don't hear it ANYMORE (italics not working right now...sorry...) - you didn't hear it to begin with!" "Oh yeah...right." was his response. We were quiet for another minute or two when another loud, strange noise was heard. "You hear that?" I said, "it sounded like it came from the side of the house this time - in the walkway." We listened for a long time and didn't hear anything else. It took me about another hour to feel tired and I curled up next to Bill the snoring cat to sleep.

I woke with a start. I knew something had woken me up but I didn't know what it was. Why did I wake up like tha---what the hell---is that the DOORBELL?!? The doorbell was ringing. Not once, twice, (three times a laaaady - heh. I digress) but over and over. Incessant. Fast. I look at the clock: 4:18am. Jeeeeeeeeesus. I wake John again. His response is somewhat the same: confused, sleepy and annoyed. "The doorbell is ringing - what the hell??" I say. I hear him grunt and say "What?" The ringing starts again. We look at each other in the dark and we're both confused. I look at my phone to see if anyone is calling - perhaps it's a drunk friend in need of companionship, help or assistance. No calls on my phone or John's. Hm. We get out of bed and walk towards the stairs. Doorbell still ringing but no other sound. I was expecting talking, yelling, mumbling...anything. I start to feel anxious and nervous. Scared. Worried. What's going on? Then I hear what sounds like the patio furniture being moved around on the porch. OK - if someone is stealing the furniture, why ring the bell? I'm about to head down the stairs and take a look - at least turn the porch light on to see who is out there, but John puts his hand up to stop me and doesn't say anything. I think twice: hmmm...if someone is crazy enough to come up on the porch, ring the bell, screw with the furniture (and god knows what else...) - what else is this person capable of doing???

Side note: I live in the city. Please refer to the tales of previous weirdness above. On a more concerning aside: a man was robbed at gun-point in front of my house at 4:30am a few months back. Ahem. I think the nervousness was justified at that time in the morning....

The door bell is quiet and we don't hear anything. I'm looking out the front window in the bedroom to see if this person has wandered away - I can't see much over the porch roof. Damn. We get back into bed but we are still listening - straining our ears. The adrenaline rush has worn off and I remember I was only sleeping for an hour. I'm exhausted and so is John. I can feel myself drifting off to sleep but jump anytime I hear a noise.

When we wake in the late morning we head downstairs to take a look. The furniture was rearranged, there were phone books on the table (there were some delivered a week ago and we've been putting off throwing them in the recycling bin...) and some of the pages were ripped out and strewn around the porch. It snowed last night so I could see footprints on the stairs and the snow had been wiped off the front ledge. Weird.

In hindsight (ain't that a bitch) I suppose I should have just gone downstairs, turned on the light and scared the sonofabitch off the porch, but that didn't happen. I hope it was some poor drunk soul that was so wasted he went to the wrong house - but then I think, why no yelling to let him in?? Who knows, but if that mofo comes back again I'll know what to do...

blog lurking

2010-02-12T23:47:00.007-07:00

I'm a blog lurker. I admit it. I love to click on "Next Blog" and see what comes up. I've been doing it for awhile and I've recently started to leave comments on blogs that catch my eye for whatever reason. I find that I really dig the blogs that are written by creative people. The quilting and rug hooking ones remind me of my mom. She taught me how to paint, sew, cook, garden and appreciate handmade things. She made me a pret-ty damn cool rug for Christmas. The pattern is from a Christmas card I sent her last year. Yea Mom!!

I like looking at photography blogs. I am a very amateur photog and I fantasize about being able to afford a new fancy camera with all the trimmings. Here are my nieces with photos that I framed for them this Christmas:

here's another:

Today I came across the Secret is in the Sauce blog where fellow bloggers can find other blogs (ugh - I'm tired of using the word blog already...) and leave comments of support. I'm always looking for comments but I rarely receive any. I have a visitor counter, so I can see that people are reading what I'm writing (hopefully) but they don't leave comments, so it's hard to tell if anything is actually being read or if a fellow lurker just hits "Next Blog" without reading any of my witty quips....so today I decided if I'm looking for comments so much I'm sure others are too so I started leaving some. I left lil messages on blogs about sewing and quilting (even though I've been too lazy to do any such thing), left a few on blogs about women writing about their every day lives (a la just sayin'...) and there were some blogs about - um - I'm not sure what but when I read them they made me laugh (in a good way).

I've come across a few today that were heartbreaking, weird, preachy and icky. There are a lot of blogs about dying or dead children - some that included pictures of said dying or dead children - those fall under the heartbreaking AND weird categories. Newlyweds that are dealing with the difficulty of pregnancy, miscarriages and sometimes more children they can handle. There are plenty of teens and early 20s blogs about boyfriends and ex-boyfriends (didn't come across any male authors of said blogs). Some entries were brief one liners about the agony of breaking up. Not that these aren't valid, but I've been there/done that and I don't wish to re-live those years, thankyouverymuch. For a few minutes I got caught up in bike racing blogs - complete with close up pictures of the authors in tight biking shorts and shirts. It was one right after the other and the only way I could get out was to close it all out and start again. This landed me in a totally different category of religious blogs. Again, not quite sure how they all get lumped in together, but this particular group was a doozy. It started out innocent enough - with references to God and Jesus in the profile - then it progressed to blogs written by pastors and priests, then eventually nuns (interesting read) and onward to blogs dedicated to saints, one with TRUST AND REPENT in the title (caps totally not all mine) and a pretty fanatical one all about Pope John Paul II. There were a smattering about varying genres of Christian and Catholic music. These slowly morphed into Mormon blogs and then other religions before I opted out.

I read some pretty awesome ones written by sassy women and quirky men. Mostly the blogs I came across were written by women. There were some in languages I don't understand - I like to glance through those to see if I can get the gist of the meaning even though I technically don't understand the written words. Most blogs are all about family, keeping in touch with loved ones that are far away and trying to understand what our everyday lives are all about. I particularly dig the way women in Great Britain and Australia call themselves "mum." I don't think it matters where in the world one blogs from - we're all in this together...and we'd like comments.

Ahem.

the ecstasy that is hair washing day....

2010-02-11T15:07:00.004-07:00

All you bald-heads (don't know what it means? Google it.) out there take it for granted. You wake up in the morning and stumble straight into the bathroom (before or after breakfast - it doesn't matter...), crank the hot water and jump in the shower. I bet the first thing you do is stick your face under the water, turn around and let the water run all down your head. Mmmmmmm. It's nice, isn't it? I bet you do it every day (or every other day) without thinking twice about it. The joy of hair washing doesn't come every day for me. The dreadlocks don't want it every day. They literally can't take it. At first, surrrre. I washed the dreads all the time. When they are forming they love water and soap. It makes them tighten up and it helps them become mature lil dreadies. During the winter months hair washing comes every few weeks. I usually try and wash my head every two weeks, but sometimes it's longer. It used to be once a week, but the longer they get the further out I space the washings. I have to plan it: "OK - I don't have to go anywhere on Thursday, so I'm going to get up and wash my hair and stay in all day and night." At this stage in the game it takes about 14 hours for my hair to dry. Add freezing weather into the equation and it's not much fun. I do sometimes take the blow dryer to it so my scalp can be dry in a hurry - and plus it feels good when it's cold and snowy and/or cold and sunny outside to sit in my small warm bathroom with the blow dryer for 20 minutes or so. (Summertime is a different story. Warmer weather means more sweating so that means more frequent washing. Being outside with a head full of wet dreads in the hot summer weather feels pret-ty damn awesome.)

Today was one of those days. I bust out the Dr. Bronner's and jump in the shower. The time consuming ritual of tying butt-length dreadlocks on top of my head before every shower does not have to be done today. JOY! I get in the shower in a hurry because I don't want to waste one drop of delicious hot water. Sticking my head under the shower is one of the best feelings - and I've come to appreciate it more and more every year. Getting my head all lathered up in the steaming shower and scrubbing, rubbing and squeezing the lavender and peppermint scented soap through all the dreads is a pleasure. Rinsing is practically orgasmic. Having a clean, healthy scalp and squeaky-clean dreads that smell fresh is, now-a-days, one life's little treasures. When I shower it's usually a time when I can block out other distractions and think about things, mull situations over in my head, prepare for the day or wind down with a before-bed-shower. But when I'm washing my hair all thoughts vanish. I'm focused in on the enjoyment of the steam, water, suds and scrubbing. I don't get any thinking done while soaping up the locks.

I know you're wondering: "why only every few weeks? That's gross." Here is why it's only every few weeks and why it's NOT gross:
Have you ever had a kitchen sponge that you didn't let dry out all the way between uses? After you washed something with it you noticed that your hands smelled weird? Ew, right?? Think of dreadlocks as sponges. If they don't dry out all the way they can get down-right funky, and not in a good way. If the dread doesn't dry all the way through (i.e.: from washing or rinsing every day) it can get moldy or mildewy and weird shit can start growing in it and that's what's pretty gross. The human scalp doesn't need to be washed every day. Stripping the scalp and hair of it's natural oils just isn't healthy. Add the fact that my hair takes 14 hours to dry and washing them every few days puts a damper on things (i.e: not being able to leave the house...). My scalp has adjusted it's oil production down to a minimum because it knows it's only going to get washed every two weeks. My head is never greasy (nor does it look greasy). Also consider that I do not add any product to my hair so it doesn't look weighed down or look like it needs to be washed after a day or two. I was a huge sucker for hair product before I dreaded my hair, so I know exactly what that is all about.

Everyone that has dreads has a different mind-set about how to keep their scalp healthy and how often they wash their hair. It comes down to personal preference. One thing is true: any one that wants to have good looking, healthy dreads needs to wash them. Those people that don't end up with nasty, ratty looking things hanging off their heads and they smell VERY VERY bad. That's what's REALLY gross.

So here I am after some vigorous scrubbin' and squeezin' with my hair wrapped up in a towel. After I finish feelin' bloggy I'm going to break out the blow dryer for a bit. Let the drying begin!

things are gonna be different...

2010-02-09T22:04:00.003-07:00

The college changed my room back to where I have been, so that's nice.

I heard back from the job I applied for and I'm "no longer being considered for the position." That's cool. I understand. I'm thankful that I got an email to let me know.

I've decided I'm not doing any work on the weekends. On the days I'm not teaching I'm getting up, eating breakfast, showering, dressing and getting work done in my office. Around 4 or 5pm I call it a day. I'm all prepared and ready to go for the next few weeks - and at this rate, I'll be ready to go for the whole semester pretty damn soon. Outside of writing up tests I'm not letting anything go until the last minute. The procrastinator in me is wailing and complaining: "why get things done early? There's no need for that...." I imagine my inner procrastinator has a very suave and oily voice - always there trying to convince me to wait and put things off. (sigh) Not anymore!!

I've been spending a lot of time on my baseball and music research and I think I may have things narrowed down as to how I might get all this organized...BUT....I'm not 100% sure yet. We'll see. We'll see.

I've decided not to make all of my tests online. I'm a chicken. Can't do it yet. Something is preventing me from doing it and I'm not sure exactly what it is...just because it's new and progressive?? I would LOVE to get back three whole class periods that are taken up by test days...ah crap. Maybe next semester....

a few things...

2010-01-14T15:26:00.003-07:00

There are a few things rattling around in my head that wish to get out:
-it sucks not getting paid in January
-the Westword has really gone downhill
-the warmer weather has been greatly invigorating and inspiring
-getting back on campus before the semester starts is like a shot of academic Wild Turkey

The last time I got paid was the 2nd week of December. The next time I get paid is the 2nd week of February. This cramps not only style, but the ability to live stress-free. There's a lot of things we can't do due to the lack of funds, and I'm OK with that - we just need to stay home and not go out to shows, dinner, drinks, etc...but when money is stretched so thin that we have to resort to eating vegetarian because meat is too expensive...that's pretty sad. The past several months have been difficult. More difficult then they have been in past years for some reason. I have cut back on lots of things that I got used to having and doing. I now refuse to spend money on frivolous items and it's difficult for me to spend money on things I know I don't *need* but would like to have (ie: new pair of sneakers). Oy vey. Things will get better.... (I keep telling myself that).

Oh yeah. The Westword. Once Denver's shining star of a free-liberal-minded-newspaper is now 12 pages of ads for medical marijuana dispensaries and 10 more for erotic massage parlors. The amount of actual writing in the paper is mind-blowingly absent. Aside from the music recommendations and/or album reviews that are overwhelmingly in favor of indie bands and not much else, there is one main article and mindless froth like "Ask A Mexican." Really?!? The only reason I would pick up the Westword was for Jason Sheehan's restaurant reviews (always brilliant), for the syndicated "Savage Love" column and to see what bands are coming to town. Jason Sheehan has ditched Denver for Seattle (a sign of the times??) and has taken his snarky ass to the Pacific Northwest. He cannot be replaced, even though someone is attempting to review local restaurants in his stead. If I really wanted to read "Savage Love" I suppose I could find it online - as well as concert dates/venues/bands. The last issue of the Westword was also seriously lacking on letters to the editor. These once filled up at least two pages and now there are merely three or four short letters - most complaining about the absence of Jason Sheehan. Most of the paper is now ads. I won't be picking up a Westword for a long, looooong time unless some changes are made.

The past two days were sunny and 60 degrees. Not too shabby for January. I was inspired to clean the house, open the windows and doors, get organized and in order for the spring semester. Today was a bit cooler and over-cast, but I hoofed it on down to campus to make copies of syllabi, schedules and whatnot. I'm seriously thinking about making all of my tests online, but I need to figure some things out concerning that, so I'll get back to you about that one!
Anyway, just physically being on campus is invigorating. I like to wander around campus, soak in the atmosphere, smile at the students showing up early to make sure they know where their classrooms are, say hi to all the people I haven't seen since the beginning of December, get together with fellow colleagues and pick their brains about ideas I might have or just ask their opinion about things. Getting back on campus is what I called an academic shot of Wild Turkey. Not too pleasant at first, but then it's warming - and I guess it's giving me the courage to face another semester. I am doing things differently this semester - trying new things is always good.
Oh yeah - the college changed my classroom on me for my Musics of America class. I was in the same room for three years, then I was changed to the room next door - now I'm not only in a different classroom, but a different floor! This room is without windows which will suck. That means three classes in a row without windows. At least it is less of a distraction for the students (see how I'm putting a positive spin on things?!?!?). I can go out in the hall and look out the windows if I'm so moved.
So here's to a new semester, new students, new and different ways of teaching and to being inspired.

for Atlas and Jack...

2010-01-11T14:20:00.005-07:00

Saying goodbye is never easy - especially when it's a pet. For those that do not have pets I believe it's hard to understand the connection one can have with an animal. For those that do have pets - you understand exactly the pain and the loss.
As I type this my cat Bill is curled up next to me - all warm and furry and sweet - but my friends Basil, Doug and Lindsay experienced loss this week and my heart goes out to them.
Basil's dog of 16 - that's right - 16 years passed on last Thursday. Atlas was an old man whose body was riddled with cancer and other various ailments. He had to take many medications to get by, but he hung on as long as he could. He was Basil's brown bear and the world's softest dog by all accounts.
Jack the Dog was smart and stubborn. He sometimes stayed at my place when Doug and Lindsay were out of town - that was until Bill came to live here. It was in Jack's nature to chase cats, squirrels and mailmen. Jack the speckled dog smelled like boiled chicken =) Jack died today - he was ill for a long time then recently diagnosed with a brain tumor.
These animals weren't "mine" but I saw them enough and spent time with them, walked them, snuggled and scratched them and loved them. As I write this my eyes cloud with tears, not just because I will miss these beloved souls, but because I understand exactly how my friends feel and I know how difficult it is to lose a loved one.
These short sentences don't do justice to their gifts so hopefully soon I can write something else (pictures included) without tearing up and getting stuffy. May the big dog-run in the sky be filled with deep snow to frolic in like you were young pups, cats to chase and mailmen to eat without the risk of a lawsuit.

it would be great to get a response...!

2010-01-05T21:47:00.003-07:00

The anticipation is killing me. It's started to morph into anxiety and stress. I've been having trouble sleeping. I'm dreaming about it - in various positive and negative outcomes. I've applied for a job. I applied over a month ago and have since received one email requesting that I fill out more forms. Now: nothing.
Should I call? It doesn't say that I shouldn't - or can't...but still. arrrghhh. I dunno.

ode to the part-time prof!!

2009-11-28T18:02:00.001-07:00

November 27, 2009
Thanks to the Forgotten Part-time Teacher
by Victor Davis Hanson
NRO’s The Corner

Last week within about an hour, I got a form email from a UC administrator deploring California’s cuts to higher education, asking for money, and pleading for support for the university — even as YouTube was airing the UCLA student protests over tuition hikes.

…which got me to thinking. The students, of course, have no answers to the problems of California that sees some 3,500 professionals and the well-paid leaving the state each week, since our officials cannot explain why — with the nation’s highest state income, gasoline, and sales taxes — we have among the nation’s worst infrastructure, schools, and educated populaces.

If the students were really worried about injustice in the CSU and UC systems, they would not be protesting tuition hikes that will still not result in their educations even approaching the costs at private colleges. Nor would UC administrators be swarming the internet and emails systems warning that cuts will hurt their tenured faculty and research.

Instead the dirty secret in California is that at JC, CSU, and UC campuses, nearly half of the instruction offered — whether calibrated in the total number of students in classes, or by the number of courses listed or by the number of those employed — is taught by non-tenure-track lecturers, TAs, and part-time faculty.

If one were to compare that cost per unit with instruction by regular tenured faculty for often essentially the same work, the exploitation makes any in the private sector mild in comparison. Even Wal-Mart is saintly in employment practices in comparison with CSU.

An English 1A class taught by a TA or part-timer might service 30 students at a cost of $4,000 to 5,000 in instructional fees; an upper-division required course for the major, with 10 students, like “The Construction of Manhood in Blake” taught by a full professor might run the university $25,000. Part-timers might make $35,000 without benefits for juggling together 5-7 classes at different campuses, while tenured professors might make well over $100,000 for teaching 4-6 courses with full facilities, benefits, and support.

The problem is that all the old justifications for such wide imbalances — tenured faculty advising, publication, intangible college governance — don’t wash any more, at least in the case of the humanities and social sciences — not when TAs, lecturers and part-timers often have PhDs, and are as good or better teachers than full professors, while the scholarship of the affluently tenured, especially in the humanities and social sciences, is either irrelevant or unreadable, while their teaching is not subject to the same scrutiny or consequences as part-time evaluations.

So next time students nearly riot at UCLA, the angst should be on behalf of a near majority of their faculty who are paid a pittance of what an elite makes for nearly the same sort of work.

The fact is that the students are subsidized by the bankrupt state. The governing administrative elite and cohort of tenured professors are, in turn, subsidized by tens of thousands of mostly unknown, exploited part-timers. The latter each day in California teach hundreds of thousands of college students at JC, CSU, and UC at a fraction of the wage that a tiny priesthood receives for essentially the same job.

So on Thanksgiving Weekend, give thanks to the part-timers and temps who keeps the liberal system of higher education running by the very illiberal treatment they receive.

©2009 Victor Davis Hanson

slacker extraordinaire

2009-10-27T22:21:00.004-06:00

(insert excuse here on where I've been for the past few months - ahem)

I'm good at wasting time. Procrastination and time wasting have been common themes throughout my life. I really came to realize this when I was in grad school in Indiana. I didn't have a TV, so I did get a lot of school work done, but I also had a new computer with a new fangled thing in it called a modem. My AOL account started in 1994 when they charged by the hour (ouch!). I wasted many an hour in chat rooms (the Phish Bowl and 710 Ashbury being the top two) and surfing the circa 1994 internet. I realized I could sit on the couch and gaze out the window for hours - not realizing that it was getting dark and I should turn the lights on - some times I would be actively thinking - about, oh, I don't know...what I was going to write about in my paper about Handel's oratorio The Creation (yawn) or how to effectively remember all the librettists in my history of opera class, etc. etc. and other times, not so much. To this day I can waste a whole entire day just puttering around the house and not really accomplishing much.

In the grand scheme of things, I have A LOT of free time. I've stated this before in previous blogs, but when I have a full schedule or pressing deadlines I find the time to get SO MUCH done! When I have a whole free day to get stuff done I find that I become slacker extraordinaire. I was thinking that I didn't get much done today, but reflecting on it, maybe I did. I didn't roll out of bed til 11:30am but I went to campus, got my faculty ID encoded so I can finally access my office after hours (it only took me 2 1/2 years to do so - my point is made!), spent 30 minutes at the copy machine, returned a book, came home, ate lunch, cleaned the kitchen and living room, returned emails, typed up lecture notes, updated power point presentations, caught up on some CNN and ESPN news, lost myself for about 40 minutes listening to Berlioz (I like when that happens...and it CANNOT be planned), ranted that I can't believe there isn't one Brahms listening example on the CDs for my Intro class (wtf?!?!?), sang a bit of West Side Story in the shower and expanded my jazz knowledge. Not too shabby, not too shabby.

I have to thank Judy for blogging about getting rid of distractions and clutter and saying no. I was inspired to do so and finally made a decision that I've been thinking about for a long time and actually agonizing over. I decided that I am no longer going to write for the Colorado Music Buzz magazine. I did it for three years and never got paid. The decision wasn't even all about money - it came down to the fact that I wasn't enjoying it any more, I wasn't getting anything out of it and it became such a low priority that I was constantly late on my deadlines (sigh). I decided that I can use the time that I spent writing my monthly column and/or other articles to devote to my research. This is the first month I am officially not writing for the paper, but I don't see a difference in how I spend my time (!) I'll let you know next month (grin).

keeping it all in perspective

2009-08-22T12:48:00.003-06:00

It's easy to become overwhelmed with every day life - work, relationships, plans, studies, writing, checking email, returning phone calls, and well - you get the idea. The best time for me to put it all in perspective is when I'm at a show. I find that my mind wanders while I'm at a concert. I switch back and forth between listening intently and carefully to the music and musing about my day, contemplating more serious choices or even reflecting on how I find myself where I am right now. While spending a Wednesday night at the Bluebird last week to see Euforquestra and Dub Skin I thought about how lucky I am that the music scene in Denver is so great. That I have the opportunity to go out on a Wednesday night and have a good time within walking distance to my house. That I got to see Phish for four nights at Red Rocks and slept in my bed every night - there was no long drive, sleeping in a hotel bed (or floor) or in a rest area (ahhh...tour memories...).

Watching the Red Sox get pummeled last night by the Yankees 20-11 was, to say the least, disappointing and nauseating. I've been a Sox fan my whole life - and it's been the majority of that time that the Yankees consistently beat the Sox - so much that it was understood it was going to happen before it did. It's only been within the last few years that the Sox have dominated in any way and that's a nice feeling for a fan. I support my team whether they're loosing or winning. It's always nicer when they're winning, that's for sure, but last night was just one game. This is just one season. Will I still wear my Sox gear if they don't make the playoffs this year? Of course! Will most band-wagon fans quietly fade away and wonder why they ever sported a Red Sox hat to begin with? Yes! It's easy to gloat and be obnoxious when your favorite team is winning - but is a baseball team an excuse to be rude and violent? Of course not. I've witnessed this first hand - not the good-natured ribbing but out-and-out hurtful words and fists thrown about because someone else simply likes a different team. I will tell people that "it's just a game - no need to get so worked up over it" but I know it's more than just a game to most people. It's more than just a game to me - but I look at it in a slightly different perspective. I have a pet peeve about when people talk about "their" team and "we" beat "your" Sox, etc. Really? Last time I checked you weren't a major league baseball player so "you" didn't beat anyone.

Continuing on in the music and baseball theme, I'm trying to keep my research in perspective but it is teetering on becoming overwhelming. I am doing a lot of reading, spending a lot of time in the campus and city libraries and waiting until I have fully exhausted my local resources. I am envisioning a trip to Cooperstown (hopefully during the summer months and not the winter) for some research, but I'm not at that point yet. My goal is to present a paper at the Cooperstown Symposium on Baseball and American Culture and hopefully some music conferences as well. All that is down the road but it is a nice prize to keep my eyes on. =)

the dead weather

2009-08-13T11:55:00.006-06:00

The Dead Weather is Jack White's (The White Stripes, The Raconteurs) new project. I've been a fan of his for years and his heavy garage style rock. His new project is coming to town on Monday night and I'm looking forward to catching him and his Robert-Smith-a-la-The-Cure-hair-do at the Ogden Theater. =)

the bitch switch

2009-07-20T20:43:00.003-06:00

I recently attended what was called a "bitch switch" aka: a clothing swap. I've never attended one of these get-togethers before and it was fun. I rounded up four bags of clothes (a lot!) and my friend Kim picked me up and we headed back to her house for the fun. There ended up being only four of us as others canceled for (sometimes) unknown reasons. There was wine, pizza, fruit and good conversation that often resulted in raucous laughter.

It was great to see others get excited about clothes I am no longer excited about. I had some stuff that had been sitting in bags in my closet for (no lie) almost two years. I intended to drop them off at Goodwill or the Salvation Army, but it never happened. Now I want to tell you how close the Salvation Army is to my house: it's at the end of the alley and across the street. How. Lazy. Am. I?!?!?!?? I am proud of the fact that I did not come home with more clothes than I brought over Kim's - that would kinda defeat the purpose right?? I came home with a great print brown a-line skirt, shell necklace, funky multi-colored dress, a green striped messenger bag and the I-can't-wait-for-the-weather-to-cool-down (of course I can, what am I saying???) hot pink velour top - all courtesy of Karmin. Mimi had a few great tops that I just *had* to have and Kim insisted that I take some of her tops to "embrace my curves." I also acquired a few belts and a multi-purpose black bag (one that could hold lunch and be worn with a fancy dress...depending) from Kim as well.

I was happy that Karmin took the majority of the pants that I brought - they are too big on me now - which is GOOD considering that I've lost 14 pounds since the end of April!!! whooooooop!! Mimi also took some of my shirts as did Kim. The old pair of Doc Martin sandals I've been keeping forever were adopted by Kim. I haven't worn them in years - they rub my feet - and they would sit in the closet and every few summers I'd pull them out to wear and find that yup, they STILL rub!

All in all it was a good experience - a good excuse to get together and have fun - not to mention acquiring new stuff to wear. I think the best part of the night was when John came to pick me up and then Drew (Kim's boyfriend) came home and we all (minus Mimi who had already left) drank more wine and talked - and then Drew and John decided to try on some heels and walk around the room. Ahhhh....men. They think that when we women get together we dress in lingerie and have pillow fights. I think whipped cream is somewhere in that fantasy as well. We told them that we just got dressed and cleaned up *right* before they got there! Awww...bummer! Better luck next time boys!

"you know that love survives so we can rock forever..."

2009-06-28T14:24:00.006-06:00

For the past few days I've been thinking about music and how it works in and with my life. I've said on more than several occasions that "music is my life" but thinking exactly how that is is an interesting and sometimes brain-exhausting task.

There are times that I don't (gasp!) listen to music at all. Sometimes I luxuriate in the silence of my home. I hear what goes on out on the busy street I live on, I hear the neighbor sawing away at something in his yard, the kids shooting hockey pucks in the alley, etc. but sometimes NOT having music playing frees up my brain and my thoughts. Sometimes I MUST have music playing to free up my brain and my thoughts. Sometimes it's all over-load and I have to turn it all off - no music - no TV - close the windows and the doors and hear nothing. Some of my best days are spent alone - without talking to anyone and reading or thinking - with no music at all.

I was thinking about what I listen to and why. I've been thinking that sometimes I find myself in a musical rut - that I listen to older music and reminisce about times past and the music that goes along with those memories. I force myself to search out newer music and sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised with what I find and actually enjoy new and current bands. Other times - eh - I'm disgusted with what I hear and can't understand for the life of me how these bands find their way to a record deal or how they land a TV show performance.

There is comfort involved with why we all listen to music that is familiar to us - it's like pulling on an old favorite sweater when the weather first turns chilly - it's comfortable, comforting, familiar - an old friend, a favorite book to be re-read time after time - and most times (for me, anyway...) there are specific memories involved with the first time we hear or experience an artist or a song. We humans don't like change - and when change is abrupt it is especially jarring.

I received a text message from my friend Bennie last Thursday and it read: "Michael Jackson. Dead." My first response was "whaaaaaaaaa? No way." I turned on the news when I got home from work and all the channels were saying he was in the hospital but no word of anything for certain. I checked my facebook page and everyone had posted "R.I.P Michael Jackson" then two minutes later they would post - "oh, wait - might be a hoax??" No one was sure. I ventured out to see the new Transformers movie (long sigh....) - it's entertaining - I'll leave it at that - and when I got home it was confirmed on every channel: the King of Pop was dead. I watched the TV for awhile with my mouth open and couldn't believe it. MJ was the type of entertainer, musician, artist, character that would be around forever. I don't think I ever thought once about him not being around. He lived a tragic life - say what you will about the legal issues - I have my own thoughts about them - and he was never convicted of any charge - but he was abused by his father, bred to become a star, deprived of his childhood, became incredibly successful and in the spotlight then ridiculed when he didn't act "normal." What a lonely man he must have been...

I remember vividly when I saw MJ do the moonwalk on TV in 1983. I was eleven years old and I was watching TV with my parents and a Motown celebration was on TV and my mom wanted to watch a little bit of it. My dad sighed and obliged. I don't remember who I saw perform and speak but when Michael Jackson took the stage and sang (well, lip-synced...but who cared back then) "Billie Jean" it was magical. The glove, the short pants, the socks, the dancing, the MOONWALK! This was the moment he became The King of Pop. I remember it all and it's pretty safe to say it changed my life. I started to look at music (pop music) as something I became suddenly fascinated by and searched out as much as I could - MJ in particular. This was forbidden as I was not allowed to listen to rock music and MTV was not allowed in the house. We (me and my sister) found a way around that: remember before the remote control came around and one changed TV channels by way of the big box that was attached to the TV by a very long wire? Rectangular buttons in two rows across the large box? I don't remember what channel MTV was at first, but if we pressed both buttons down at the same time on either side of the actual channel the forbidden channel would appear -clear as a bell! We had to make sure mom and dad were in the kitchen and keep one ear on the TV and the other to hear if they were coming into the living room - wouldn't want to get caught watching THAT channel.... =)

I remember going to a classmates birthday party - it was fall or winter - her name was Holly Fagen (wow - I have a weird memory - wonder where she is now -haven't seen her since 6th grade...) and her mom made her a round cake and it was decorated like a record - and it had the Thriller label in the center and all of us girls were very excited. She received the Thriller album as a gift and we all screamed and clapped and jumped up and down. We listened to it over and over and over....it was bliss. I would bring a small radio (the kind with the wrist strap) to school with me and I would turn it on during lunch - everyone at the lunch table would huddle around and we would try to hear what was playing over the din of the lunch room. We were trying to catch Michael Jackson on the radio - any song would do - but "Thriller" would be the top choice. No other band or song mattered and we were sorely disappointed when a whole lunch period would go by without one MJ song on the radio.

When "We Are The World" came out I remember my 7th grade math class convinced our teacher who was very strict - that it was very important for us to witness the video as it was being played on TV. She rolled a TV into the classroom and we couldn't believe it: we were going to watch the video and get out of math class!! We watched and smiled and some sang along to "We Are The World" and as we picked out other musicians in the video and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves we couldn't believe our luck. I seem to remember the teacher - what was her name.... - anyway, she engaged us in conversation about the importance of helping out people that couldn't help themselves.

As the news channels keep pumping out all the information about MJ's death and life and include snippets of videos and songs I'm reminded of how much these songs impacted my life. Off The Wall is one of my favorite albums of all time and the "Rock With You" video is classic - another sparkling outfit - the smiling and VERY handsome MJ dancing and grooving (sigh). "Thriller" with all its theatrical greatness, the "Billie Jean" video with the sidewalk glowing under his feet and "Beat It" proving that all conflicts can be solved by dancing. There are countless MJ songs that have been the sound track of my life - and his staggering influence on the music world and pop culture in general will be greatly missed.

I have some chores to attend to - and I've decided I'm going to pop in Off The Wall and enjoy my private time with MJ and some laundry and take some good advice:

When the world is on your shoulder
Gotta straighten up your act and boogie down
If you can't hang with the feelin'
Then there ain't no room for you this part of town
'Cause we're the party people night and day
Livin' crazy that's the only way

So tonight gotta leave that nine to five upon the shelf
And just enjoy yourself
Groove, let the madness in the music get to you
Life ain't so bad at all
If you live it off the wall...

pen neuroses

2009-06-19T00:18:00.005-06:00

"There are too pens in the house - just look upstairs in the basket on the desk!" I say to John after he says that he couldn't have filled out his return slip for his Sirius radio mishap (he stuck his thumb through the plasma screen) at home. I'm waiting in line for him at the post office and I can't see if he rolls his eyes or makes a face - I really can't blame him either way. I admit it - I'm a pen hog. I have very specific pens that I like to use and snatch them away from him if he gets his hands on one. Just this morning I rounded up an ultra-fine blue Sharpie and an especially fantastic red pen - I like them with an extra fine point - this one's a favorite for grading tests. I'm a list maker and in order to study I must write information out by hand - it gets into my head that way. The way that the ink sinks into the paper is deeply satisfying. In the age of blogging and typing and computers - and before that - typewriters - I really enjoy writing by hand. I do the majority of my grading on the computer and all of my writing for academic purposes, popular music articles and blogging too. I think because in the end it is simpler but it lacks the personal touch of hand writing. There's a connection between the brain and the hand and something personal - spiritual - maybe a snippet of the soul - sinks into the wood pulp (or not, if it's recycled..haha) of the paper. This is missing on the cold glowing computer screen that underlines my misspelled words in red. I was always very good at penmanship when I was younger - I'm a bit sloppy nowadays and sometimes I just need to slow down - but the handwriting today is really atrocious (no red underline there....!). When my students have to (god forbid!!!) write something in class I actually have to tell them to write legibly - and if I can't read it, I can't grade it.
I don't just grade in red pen (have you seen the studies that red pen affects the self esteem of young students and discourages them??? HA!) but in other colors as well - I've been known to grade in purple, brown, orange, maroon and green ink. I have a pink pen lurking about (it came in a multi-pack) but I draw the line there - I've never used it and I'm sure I won't. Hmmmmm....maybe I'll donate that one to John.... =)
Any black pens around the house I don't use - for some reason I've never liked black ink (shrug) who knows why. Pens that blot or smudge easily are quickly discarded. Pens that skip are not acceptable at all. There are certain pens that write better on certain types of paper and I have pens lodged in journals and notebooks that correspond nicely with the paper. This has to be a problem, right?? The outside zippered pocket in my computer case is bursting with pens and markers in all colors and types for very specific uses. Also included in the collection are mechanical pencils - oh yeah - this is probably a separate neurosis all together but for now I'll lump in the mechanical pencil obsession in with the pen problem (is that some sort of break through?!?!?). I am very protective of my pencils as well. I also like the old fashioned No. 2 yellow pencil but since I lack a good pencil sharpener those mostly sit around unused and unsharpened. I've been eyeing one of those old school hand crank pencil sharpeners - the kind that screw to a wall or desk - they work SO much better than the electric ones. The electric sharpeners are kinda cool at first but they just don't sharpen. They...they...eat the pencil. They should be called pencil eaters - not sharpeners.

OK (deep breath)

I wonder if there is some sort of compulsive pen hoarder anonymous group out there somewhere -? If not then maybe I should start a support group. Nah. I envision that as being more an enabling group than supporting the letting go of the pen obsession.

I used to love to write letters and I don't do it any more. Odd, since I like to write so much. It's so nice to receive a hand written note or letter in the mail - and I haven't gotten one of those in YEARS. It's sad to think our society has let penmanship, handwriting, letter writing, etc. go by the wayside. Everything is abbreviated for IMing or texting purposes. I receive emails from students that are embarrassing - even papers that are supposed to be written in formal English are riddled with not only glaringly obvious grammatical errors (another issue entirely) but I see words needlessly abbreviated or I see "@" in place of "at" or "ya" for "you" and other colloquialisms...(sigh).

I'm going to rummage through my collection of note cards - I know exactly where they are - in my desk - and I'm going to start writing and sending cards to my friends that are far away from me. I know it would brighten my day to find something in the mail waiting for me instead of bills and junk mail - so I'm going to do this for my friends. Hmmmm....addresses.....?? And where is my favorite blue pen...? John?

where have I been?!?!?

2009-06-16T21:56:00.005-06:00

good question. It's been awhile.

I *thought* I was going to write about my excitement and overall headiness of meeting my favorite author: Tom Robbins, then I decided to keep that to myself. (shrug) who knows. I was very excited, I got my picture taken with him (see above) and then I planted a smooch on him. He's 72! I didn't care...have you read his stuff? Hot damn.

Every time I think of writing I'm away from the computer - in the car, in bed, in the garden...then when I'm on the computer I don't even think of logging into the blog and, well - that's it. My niece Amy came out to visit me for a few days. She's 23 and I discovered that we are very much alike. We have a lot of the same interests, similar thinking patterns, opinions, habits, etc. The visit was very revealing - and I'm happy to discover that she has a good head on her shoulders (it's the Flannery blood pumping through her veins...).

I'm teaching one summer class - I had exactly five days off between the end of the spring semester, a marathon grading session and the start of the summer session. Five days!!! In those five days I spent time with my niece and needless to say I was not in school mode when I had to go back. Amy went to the first class with me and observed me in action in the classroom. I got a positive verdict. =)
I decided to change things around AGAIN for this class - got rid of one assignment and substituted a few other things I call "in-class musical descriptions" in lieu of a formal written paper. So far so good with the new idea - I'll elucidate further when I'm sure it's going to work or not...
It took me a good two weeks to get into school mode. The college terminated it's subscription to turnitin.com - which is the plagiarism detection system I've been using for years - without notifying anyone. Nice. We are now using a similar system through Blackboard - because it's free - called SafeAssign. There are all sorts of issues with using the system - glitches in uploading and error messages due to unsupported browsers...really?!?!? It's been quite the pain and the Educational Technology Department on campus knows me well at this point.

Since I don't get paid in the month of June (it sucks) I've been on a spending lock-down, but if John really wants to do something he'll pay for me - he's a very nice boyfriend. =) We've been venturing out to some shows - the latest was the Jimmy Herring Band at Cervante's last weekend. I'm very glad I went - the show consisted of all re-worked jazz tunes such as a funky version of "Speak No Evil" and a ton of Jeff Beck. The encore was "No Quarter" and was one of the highlights of the show. We had a Monday date-night last night and John took me out to dinner at Sushi Den - the best sushi in all of Denver...but otherwise I've been sticking close to home: puttering around in my garden (the Anaheim pepper plant is NOT happy and one of my dahlias is being eaten by something...), reading books in the sun, grilling on the itty-bitty charcoal grill, wandering around the neighborhood (aka: going to the bookstore) and soon to be venturing to the mountains and meadows for hikes. I have a good pair of boots (thanks Lindsay) and I've been itching to get out in the woods for a different type of wandering but the weather has NOT been conducive to such activities...such as the funnel cloud down the street on Sunday. Yes - the storm sirens went off and I admit I got a bit nervous. John ran outside to see what was going on (any where else people run to the basement and take cover - here everyone on the street ran OUTSIDE to look at the sky...) and called for me to come out and take a look. It was eerily quiet - no birds chirping, no wind, everything was very still. I walked off the front porch and took a look up: swirling multi-layered clouds overhead. Black and many shades of gray. Some neighbors were pointing down the street - lovely: a descending funnel cloud - a few shades lighter than the blackest black cloud in the sky. The swirling was hypnotizing. The air felt weird. Everyone was quiet. I became very uneasy. I went inside and turned on the TV - tornado watches and warnings were issued for different areas - but the storm was moving to the northeast (away from us) and that was good. Suddenly the wind picked up, rain started to fall and then it stopped just as quickly. I went back outside - the temperature had dropped considerably - and looked west: blue sky. (sigh) One of those days!
The severe weather has lasted for nine straight days and I'm not really enjoying the hail - and neither are my plants. Today it didn't rain - but was sunny and in the low 80s. Tomorrow: more storms...

i'm learning that...

2009-04-21T14:32:00.002-06:00

...doing nothing and procrastinating are not the same thing.

Get it?

I'll get back to you on that....

on being unmotivated

2009-04-20T22:51:00.003-06:00

I'm in a slump. I suppose I have been for the past few weeks. It's been a while since the last time I wrote here. I feel as though I haven't had anything to report - and that makes me a bit sad. I went on my vacation to Palm Springs, CA to visit my brother and it was a great time (see facebook pics for proof).
I've been putting off writing (which I love to do), organizing (which I like), preparing (ditto), grading tests (that doesn't take too much time), grading papers (which I have started to LOATHE) and generally everything else in my life. ho hum.
I've set aside my folder with my music and baseball research. I looked at it the other day and thought, "soon." There wasn't any guilt involved -- it's just that I need to plow through the end of the semester STUFF that needs to get done. I'm behind on my due date for my Music Buzz articles and I have to get them done tomorrow which means another delay in grading papers. I read a dozen of them yesterday and was sooo pleased with the first few. Then the euphoric feeling of "they finally got it!!!" quickly faded when I realized one student copied his paper from his brother who took my class last year. That was followed by another paper that plagiarized and yet another. WTF?!? The next paper I looked at didn't have a name on it. Really?? I was so annoyed and irritated by this point I had to turn off the computer and walk away. I did some laundry. I pulled weeds in my garden. I walked around the block. I channeled some anger management skills I learned. I wanted to pull my hair out or throw a glass across the room or (shrug) anything that would vent some of my annoyance. I'm convinced that the majority of my students don't listen to me at all. I bet I could go into class one day and start my lecture:

"So today we're going to talk about the purple elephant school of composition that was followed in Warsaw spanning the years 1830-1836. The instrumentation focused primarily on the use of the electric guitar and the hurdy gurdy. Composers during this time period always composed while blindfolded and eating burnt toast. They were a major influence on Mozart..."

I would be met with either the glassy-eyed stare or the over-eager note taker that writes everything down and doesn't realize that someone in 1830 couldn't have been an influence on Mozart, the electric guitar still had 100 years to be born and that everything else was nonsense. I'm having a hard time finding a balance between helping students, encouraging them to do their best, going out of my way to sit down and explain things they don't fully understand and realizing that some students don't give a shit about music history. Not even music history - probably just school in general (that makes me feel better...) These kids don't study, don't follow instructions, don't bother showing up to class and when they do they just sit and don't add anything to the class. Maybe I'm too sensitive. Maybe I shouldn't take things too personally. If a student asks for help I am truly happy to give it. When a student shows a lack of...of anything...motivation, trying...in any aspect of the class it bothers me. I know not every one of my students can hear the polyphonic mastery of a Machaut medieval song or distinguish the subtleties of Mozart or the soaring beauty of a Puccini aria, but jeez - can't they put some effort into it an be able to identify the beginning of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony? grrrr....
I struggle with this every semester and I have to learn that some students don't care and can't be bothered. There is nothing I can do for them. Even as I type this it (shaking my head) it still bothers me...and I'm not sure why. (sigh)

On a positive note - things I am looking forward to:
1. tomorrow: writing two articles and getting them out of the way!
2. finishing grading papers - not the actual process, but also getting them out of the way!
3. not teaching my 1000 level class for the rest of the semester - the students are giving presentations and it takes up four class periods to get them all in. I'll be the student =)
4. the end of the semester - it's frantic: grading tests and papers, figuring out final grades, submitting them to the school, but the best part is knowing it's all done and I'm on top of things =)
5. my niece Amy is coming to visit me in a month - can't wait!
6. having the time in the summer to write what I want and doing more research: total nerd-dom
7. using a new book in my popular music class that fits the class needs much better AND using a new book for my 1000 level class. It keeps me on my toes.

Here's to being motivated..........

unconnected thoughts

2009-03-13T16:51:00.004-06:00

1. My list of 25 songs is still an on going process (see previous post). Some songs have been replaced by others and I'm STILL not finished with the whole list. Not exactly. I will be soon. I keep telling myself that.
I have been going over some student's lists in class and discovering some very interesting songs and reasons why said student loves said interesting songs. Some lists are quite diverse in the span and scope of genres while others are relatively narrow and keep to the same overall genre - just 25 bands/performers/songs in the same style. I was very surprised to see Machaut and Chopin along side some Swedish death metal and Chris Isaak on one list (wow!)

2. Who is this Jane Velez-Mitchell on CNN and how did she get her own show?!? She is even WORSE than the other one...the blonde one...whatshernuts...Nancy Grace. This JVM (as she is known on CNN) is over the top dramatic and pushing negativity at all hours of the day and night. UGH.

3. I'm still going to call it the Sears Tower. Sorry British corporation who bought the rights to it. I still call the arena in Albany, NY the Knickerbocker Arena even though it hasn't been called that in ten years, etc. etc. etc.

4. I can't begin to explain how much I wanted to be in Hampton, VA last weekend for the Phish reunion shows. For those that haven't seen the setlists:
03/08/09 Hampton Coliseum, Hampton, VA
Set I: Sanity, Wilson, Foam, Bathtub Gin, Undermind, AC/DC Bag, My Friend My Friend, Scent of a Mule, All of These Dreams, Maze, She Thinks I Still Care, Army of One, Tube, Cars Trucks Buses, Free, Frankenstein
Set II: Down With Disease, Seven Below, The Horse> Silent in the Morning, Twist, Also Sprach Zarathustra, The Moma Dance, While My Guitar Gently Weeps, Wading in the Velvet Sea, Slave to the Traffic Light
Encore: Contact, Bug, Tweezer Reprise

03/07/09 Hampton Coliseum, Hampton, VA
Set I: Back On The Train, Runaway Jim, Brian and Robert, Split Open and Melt, Heavy Things, Punch You in the Eye, Gumbo, Reba, Mexican Cousin, It's Ice, Halley's Comet, Beauty of a Broken Heart, Guelah Papyrus, Lawn Boy, Run Like An Antelope
Set II: Rock and Roll, Limb By Limb, Ghost, Piper, Birds of a Feather, Wolfman's Brother, Prince Caspian, Mike's Song> I am Hydrogen> Weekapaug Groove, Character Zero
Encore: A Day in the Life

03/06/09 Hampton Coliseum, Hampton, VA
Set I: Fluffhead, The Divided Sky, Chalkdust Torture, Sample in a Jar, Stash, I Didn't Know, The Oh Kee Pa Ceremony, Suzy Greenberg, Farmhouse, NICU, Horn, Rift, Train Song, Water in the Sky, The Squirming Coil, David Bowie
Set II: Backwards Down The Number Line, Tweezer, Taste, Possum, Theme from the Bottom, First Tube, Harry Hood, Waste, You Enjoy Myself
Encore: Grind, Bouncing Around the Room, Loving Cup

I don't think I need to say too much about WHY I wanted to be there - take a look at these songs! The first set alone on the first night would have been worth the price of admission. I'm looking forward to getting some summer shows in - going back east and catching a few. I waiting anxiously for west coast shows to be announced. Hopefully soon!

5. I am working on my music and baseball research and swimming (pretty close to drowning at this point) in historical baseball sources. I need to narrow things down but thinking I can't until I really get into a ton of information and then weed through it all. Is this the reason I haven't found any other papers or books on what I'm interested in doing? Ack. I have a friend in the history dept at work that has been feeding me some good sources and people to talk to regarding music and baseball...but it's a lot to deal with! Whew! This could literally take years. (gasp!)

6. I am leaving for California in six days and I have A LOT to get done before I take off. From grading papers to writing two articles (one if my source doesn't get back to me before deadline...) for the Colorado Music Buzz, laundry and the other random STUFF that needs to get done before one splits town.

7. I am currently watching Red Sox/Yankee pre-season baseball and am very happy (contended sigh). I can't wait until baseball season starts and I can go to a bunch of games.
=)

compart-mental-ize/25 songs

2009-02-23T21:16:00.005-07:00

I've recently noticed that I compartmentalize my life. In some ways this is a good thing - in others - well, it's kind of weird.

When I think back to a specific occurrence in my life or try to remember when I met someone it's narrowed down to where I was going to school, where I was living or what I was doing at that point in my life. I went to a bunch of different schools when I was growing up. My family didn't move - I just went to different schools. I know my parents were very concerned about the quality of education I was receiving and they went back and forth about their opinions on public vs. private schools. This is my education history:
K-1st: St. Bridget's Catholic School
2nd-4th: Capital Christian School
5th-7th: Watervliet Elementary/Watervliet Jr./Sr. High School
8th-1/2 of 10th: Latham Christian Academy
1/2 of 10th-12th: Watervliet Jr./Sr. High School

see a pattern here?

I have certain memories of my childhood that I associate with what ever school I was attending at the time. I remember when I met certain people or was exposed to a specific idea/concept according to where I was going to school. I think I developed my personality from being the "new kid" in school so often. The new kid has to develop somewhat of a thick skin to get by, to make new friends, to brush off the snarky comments from the popular girls, to be proud of playing the clarinet in band, being a member of the drama club and reading books during lunch. I hovered around the fringe of the popular kids towards the end of high school - just because I was *just* weird enough for those popular kids to be interested, but not too weird to avoid all contact -- that went both ways, I suppose.

After high school there was college in Albany, grad schools in Indiana and Colorado - and even those segments are divided up...where I was working while in those schools, in between going to schools, what my extra curricular activities were - did we meet on Phish tour or while I was doing my course work - or during those two years of limbo while writing thesis papers? It goes without saying that the few years after grad school and before I got a teaching job were weird. I was waiting tables/bar tending, keeping odd hours (home at 11:00AM and waking up at 4:30PM) and keeping odd company - I met some good people and bad during that time and had some *interesting* experiences....but I always associate people/occurrences/significant happenings with what I was doing at that specific time - and I assume that this is normal (I hope).
I have a weird way of filing away information and an even weirder way of retrieving said information.

I pretty much try to be myself at all times but there are times where I have to be a bit more stream-lined or well behaved. I've discovered I'm bad at the small talk that happens at parties/social gatherings of work-minded people/meeting friend's family members, etc. I've tried to get better at it and I think I have, but I'm still awkward and retarded when it comes to that. I watch some friends do it seemingly with ease and I'm very jealous. I go into small-talk-Katie-mode and try to remember opening questions and more than a one word answer to the most common questions. It's easy for me to stand, smile, nod, raise an eyebrow and almost drown myself in whatever drink I may be holding at the time. Then I need to be careful that I don't drink too much....it's much too stressful.

anyway -- I'm a fan of lists (I guess they can also be compartments) and since in one of my classes I don't get to cover as much modern/contemporary popular music as I'd like as there are things I MUST COVER (<--italics and bold font courtesy of The College ) over the course of the entire semester and so I really can't teach all that I really, truly want (pout, pout)....I am having my students make an informal list of 25 songs that they love. They cannot repeat performers/bands and they have to also list a few reasons (musical elements) why they are attracted to that particular song - are the lyrics especially meaningful? something about the instrumentation/tone color that grabs their attention? vocal harmonies especially heart-searing? etc. etc. etc. I've given them about a week and a half to think and stew about the list. I'm going to leave some time at the end of classes to talk about their lists, listen to a few songs on one persons list and have a discussion - then do it all over again at least once a week for the rest of the semester. I told them that I'll write a list too - and I've been thinking about it A LOT. I'm being very selective in some ways and in others I feel very inclusive. I have to defend and explain my list too -
here's what I have so far (in no particular order...):

1. Philadelphia Freedom - Elton John
2. Consoler of the Lonely - The Raconteurs
3. Crazy Fingers - The Grateful Dead
4. Plane Crash - moe.
5. It Takes A Lot to Laugh, It Takes a Train to Cry - Bob Dylan
6. Punch You In The Eye - Phish
7. Four Sticks - Led Zeppelin
8. Paranoid Android - Radiohead
9. Sneakin' Sally Through The Alley - Robert Palmer
10. Monkey Man -Rolling Stones
11. Goin' Out West - Widespread Panic
12. **I'm having a hard time picking one Pearl Jam tune - so this space is saved for that...**
13. 'Round Midnight - Thelonious Monk
14. Will It Go Round In Circles - Billy Preston
15. Moonage Daydream - David Bowie
16. Can't Find My Way Home - Blind Faith
17. Deja Vu - CSNY
18. Last Goodbye - Jeff Buckley
19. Cocaine Blues - Johnny Cash
20. Skin It Back - Little Feat
21.

So I'm currently struggling with one Pearl Jam song, one Beatles tune (but think I may have that one picked) and carefully choosing the last few...
Talking Heads?
Soundgarden?
Jorma Kaukonen? - I love that song "Genesis" - I may have to do some rearranging to fit that one in....
and there are a few others floating around (sigh).

this is hard!!!

what do you think?

purple monkey dishwasher part II

2009-02-07T15:58:00.023-07:00

More bathroom graffiti - this time written on individual stickers - at Dulcinea's

Wang's In The Desert was the name of the restaurant my brother Tom brought me and John to when we were out in Palm Springs last March. I thought the name was pretty damn funny. When he told us what the place was called I asked him if it was a gay bar.

Me and Tom at Wang's In The Desert

Lindsay, Lindsey and me - this was taken last January at the Moon Time Bar and Grill when John was playing with Danny Hutchens from Bloodkin. It was a good time - as you can see!

Don't see these very often. Last June some of us rented a house in Steamboat Springs for the weekend and this was part of the sound system in the house...

I'm amazed that someone would go into the bathroom with a marker and actually write this on the wall...

This picture was taken from a suite in the Pepsi Center on 12/31/08 at the Widespread Panic show. The screen was an upside down city - complete with trees hanging from the ceiling...

Pool-side view from my brother's back yard - awesome!

moe. performing at Twist and Shout record store January 2008

moe. on stage at the Fillmore January 2009

John got this poster double matted and framed as another Christmas gift...awesome!

Two of my fav peeps: Lindsay and Doug at Cervante's for the Last Waltz the night before Thanksgiving 2008

More bathroom wisdom from Dulcinea's

Enjoying a hockey game on Valentine's Day 2008

John gettin' down at Panic on NYE. Nice shirt!

Halloween 2008

It took HOURS for John to tie all that yarn in my hair. Me-ow John as Jack Sparrow...

At Cervante's for the Last Waltz November 2008

Hockey game 2/14/08

purple monkey dishwasher

2009-02-05T20:12:00.028-07:00

I have a lot of pictures on my phone. Some are better than others. I figured this would be the perfect forum to share some of these pictures. It was a bit tedious to arrange the pictures and text on here - so I'm going to divide this up into two (or three) blogs. This is the first installment. So here are some pics - in no particular order..... =)

<--John on my parent's couch trying out his new massage pad my sister got him for Christmas.

<--Bill took over my spot in the bed when I got up to take a shower. This is what I saw when I walked back in the bedroom. Hmpf. I see how it is....

<--I've become intrigued/obsessed/interested/fascinated with any type of graffiti and bathroom stall scrawlings. I saw this one in Dulcinea's. "Get your mother's".... what? That's all it said - I guess it's up to the toilet user to fill in the blank....heh heh

<--this is my friend Doug. He went to the Super Bowl last year and sent me this picture. Apparently there were headless mannequins for players of all teams represented so peeps could stand behind and put their own head on top - and since he's a Bengals fan, well, you see.

<--this one is from a stall in Sancho's.

<--John got this poster framed for me as a Christmas gift. This was one of the best shows I have ever seen.

<--this handsome man is my dad as a teenager. Nice goin' mom!!!

<--John as Cool Breeze - his Palm Springs persona.

<--my friend Lindsey Bottoms Brown as a deviled egg for Halloween. This picture was taken during pre-Leftover Salmon show festivities.

<--another pic of Bottoms - at Wyman's bar a few blocks away from my house.

<--this is what getting stuck in the Philadelphia airport looks like (grin).
<--this makes me laugh every time I see it. This is a picture of part of a poster hanging in Owlsley's. Some one DOES NOT like Billy Nershi (from String Cheese Incident)!! hahahahahaaaa BILL THE CAT GALLERY

<--sitting in the bathroom window. I love the look on his face.

<--he refused to get out of my suitcase as I was trying to pack to go to NY. I guess he wanted to come with me....

<--the couch series: kitty porn

<--look closely: you can see his right fang hanging out

<--he crawls under the blankets on his own

<--this is my favorite picture of Bill - and I took it with the phone!! I love his whiskery face and how it looks like someone drew black lips on his face. Isn't he the cutest?

MORE COMING SOON....!!

antiques roadshow, clarinet, a new semester and Garaj Mahal = love

2009-01-27T14:30:00.004-07:00

I mentioned in the previous post that I was secretly hoping for Antiques Roadshow to come to Denver - and guess what - it is!! On July 29th! I'm hoping that I have something lying around that can get me on the show. I never knew that people have to submit what they want to bring online and then get approved. I have until mid-April to submit a would-be valuable to the website. I am currently bursting with love for PBS. Awesome. Awesome.

The clarinet playing is going well. The first few days were rough. My face was sore - as in it would actually hurt when I talked. After the face soreness went away my fingers hurt. I have always been a knuckle cracker - I'll never get over that, I'm sure - but I noticed I was cracking more and more to get over pain and soreness. The word arthritis was hovering around - gloomy and generally icky sounding - in my head, but I kept (and still do) pushing it aside. Don't OLD people get arthritis? I take Osteo-Biflex for my knees: they crackle like Rice Krispies every time I exercise or go up or down the stairs - generally every time they BEND they crackle. Not good. I'm only 36. Anyway, back to the clarinet: I have been re-newing my hatred of scales and exercises. Arpeggios, long tones, major, minor, chromatic, getting my chops up so I can pop out a high C on demand. The cat takes off running when he hears me playing. I lock myself in the office with water, the music stand, multiple reeds in various stages of use and lately Mozart, Stravinsky and Poulenc. I'm motivated and very impatient. A bad mix. I have to force myself, like I always have, to slow down and work things out and not be discouraged if I can't whip off the third piece of Stravinsky's Three Pieces like I did when I was a senior in college 14 (gasp!) years ago. It's a work in progress....a work in progress. =)

This past week I went back to work after six weeks off. It was a long vacation - relaxing, lazy, busy and productive all at the same time. I really enjoy the beginning of the semester: new students, changing things around from the previous semester (altering/omitting assignments, changing musical examples, etc.), and just generally enjoying the new start. The honeymoon will be over shortly after the first assignment is due and the paper grading begins. It's part of the job - tests and papers - but I still fantasize about only having a mid-term and a final. Good for me, probably not so great for students. (sigh)

I was going to join the African Drumming Ensemble this semester but rehearsals start at 4:30 and my last class is over at 5:15. I'm seriously bummed out about that. =(

I went to see Garaj Mahal this past Saturday night and was amazed as usual. Fareed Haque was brilliant. I believe he is a genius. I dare anyone to dispute that claim. I'm seriously trying to figure out what it is about me that attracts rude and inconsiderate people. Do I give off an inconsiderate vibe?!? I was enjoying the show in the small and intimate venue that is Dulcinea's and some guy takes my coat off a chair, balls it up and shoves it UNDER the chair. For those familiar with Dulcinea's charms (ahem) you all know how utterly VILE the floor is - for those that don't - it is not unheard of to walk OUT of your shoes. The shoes that are TIED to your feet. Get the idea? When I asked the guy to give me my coat he told me to "fuck off" and then he said "it's only a coat." Huh??? A girl close by leaned in and said "you're the one that brought the coat into the bar" as if wearing a coat in 10 degree weather is a serious offense and should be punishable by getting it soaked and sticky with beer and god knows what else. Pffft. I made him apologize. He wasn't there the whole night - I assume he was one of the many douche bags to come into the bar from the Umphree's McGee show across the street at the Fillmore. Same goes for the girl who kept pulling my dreads and then turning away. Ugh. I had to channel the wisdom of anger management class.
I was listening to the music, gettin' down, having a drink, enjoying the time out with John and then this stuff happens. I don't understand.

I am super excited and really looking forward to the moe. shows at the Fillmore this weekend. I will post a review here at some point next week.

I have also started to exercise again. I can sum that up with one word, er, sound: UGH. I hate exercising. I am notoriously good at being lazy. If given the choice on going for a hike or frisbee in the park on the first nice spring day I will choose sitting in the sun and reading a book. I swear like a sailor/truck driver/insert any profession known for foul-mouth-ed-ness here when I work out. That's why I don't take group classes at a gym - I'm sure I would offend someone and I would be asked not to come back. I curse the poor woman on the DVD - and that's not nice - she's only trying to help. I call her a liar: "you said only four more!! What's this with eight more afterwards?!?!? WTF??" It doesn't matter how many times I've used the DVD - the fact that I know what's coming next and what she's going to say - I still curse and yell.
Wish me luck.

random ranting

2009-01-15T15:49:00.004-07:00

I HATE filling out academic dishonesty reports for the college. Absolutely hate it. I can rant and rant about how the instructions for the assignment say to NOT use any outside sources - that the only source for this paper is the student (and their brain) - that if they use a source and then then not properly cite it that's plagiarism. Ugh. It makes my head hurt. Needless to say I've been putting off this chore. I have to go to the Office of Judicial Affairs and hand in the forms with the papers and print outs of the web sites that were blatantly copied and pasted into the paper. Ugh again. That office is not a happy place, let me tell you. I would hate to be that student who got the work-study desk job there....

I woke the other morning and stretched out next to snuggle bunny Bill (the advantage of being on vacation: sleeping late and not being in a hurry to get out of bed) and thought of a few things while listening to him purr. I wonder why I'm always so disappointed to discover a person's true colors. They come out eventually. Wouldn't I want to see what a person is really like early on into the acquaintance/friendship/relationship rather than later? I have enough experience to know that people hide their dark side (we all have it - some are more severe than others...) and it usually comes to light when I have a lot invested in the acquaintance/friendship/relationship. From lying, telling half-truths, not telling the *whole* story, backstabbing, making up incredible stories (I know that's lying, but it some how fits into it's own box...), being mean and thoughtless...all of these things I know I've tried to over-look and forgive - but people are who they are and they wont change. So this time around I'm washing my hands of the situation. I'm not going to try to forget or try to understand or try to forgive or try to do anything. I think I'm better off just moving on. Enough said.

I'm bad at keeping in touch with friends that are scattered around the country. One would think that with cell phones, email, myspace and facebook that it would make it easier, but sadly...no. I'm horrible at calling my nieces - the youngest turns 21 tomorrow!! - and calling Amy in Massachusetts, Bennie in Minnesota (birthday on Monday!!), Kat in California and everyone in between (sigh). I am publicly announcing that I am going to actually CALL (not text, not email) those I love that are far away from me more often. There. I did it. Now I need to DO it! By the way - Judy if you are reading this: send me your number!

I'm sitting in my office surrounded by things that I love (I'm a pack rat in case you didn't know): the "I Was A Coffee Hound At The New York World's Fair 1964-1965" mug that I found in my grandmothers basement - I have two - and this one holds paper clips (I'm secretly hoping for Antiques Roadshow to come to Denver!), a large basket of pens and nicely sharpened pencils, lots of books, old notebooks, fresh stacks of clean paper, my Red Sox/Rockies World Series 2007 pennant, framed pictures and posters, a jade Buddha, the window curtain made from fabric that Amy gave me - brought straight from Africa, sheet music and instruments. Some instruments are John's - a talking drum, bongos, random drum heads, an acoustic guitar - but the others are mine: tin whistles, flutes and clarinets. When I'm in this room I feel as though they stare at me accusingly. Ack. When was the last time I took my baby (1968 Bb Buffet clarinet) out of its case? Too long ago. I love to play the 1956 Buffet A clarinet, but alas, I just don't. I keep saying I would LOVE to get my hands on a good old bass clarinet and if I had the $$$ I would soooo just go out and buy one. I have my grandfather's clarinet - god knows how old that thing is -it's not a very good one - but I keep it for sentimental value. I played it til I was a junior in high school - until I decided I wanted to go to school for music and my dad bought me the Buffet. When I was in college I was saving up to buy a car and at the same time I get a phone call from the man that had been fixing my clarinets ever since I can remember to tell me a bass clarinet was in his shop - and would I like to stop by and take a look - was I interested in buying it? I stopped by and played it. I was great for many reasons - I took it to my clarinet teacher and she couldn't stop saying how great of an instrument it was and that I should buy it. The bass clarinet was the same price as the car I was going to buy (cheap car or expensive clarinet?). I regret buying the car but my mom was driving me to school everyday. I couldn't get around town on a bass clarinet. I still tell myself those things - but I wish I had bought the bass clarinet. Really. (sigh)

OK - I'm inspired! I'm going to bust out the clarinet since I'm home alone - and really blow John's mind when he walks through the door!!

Highlands Ranch, a rude chef, good friends, George Clinton, Jim Rice and an arrogant band wife = my weekend

2009-01-12T13:44:00.010-07:00

John says to me, "I have a gig in Highlands Ranch." I snickered and smirked and sarcastically added, "have fun!" "Do you want to come to the show?" he asked. "Nahhhhh," I responded. "I really don't think so." Highlands Ranch is what I've been calling "the darkness on the edge of town" for years. Picture cookie-cutter house suburbia: a place where the wealthy cougars roam free. Yup. That's Highlands Ranch. I was informed that Erin, Tony and Britt would be heading out of town for the acoustic duo of John and Dave. I decided to go since I hadn't seen Erin and Tony since waaaay before Christmas.

I actually ventured to Highlands Ranch.

Driving down south Broadway I pointed out worthy dive bars, cool vintage shops, antique stores and more to Dave (a recent transplant here to Colorado) and he seemed interested in what the street had to offer. Upon arriving at the Landsdowne Arms in Highlands Ranch I said to John, "prepare for stares." Having dreadlocks isn't much of a big deal in the city of Denver. No one really says anything or stares - but once we get out of the city people look at us like we have three heads. As I found a seat at the bar I could feel some stares (strike one) but no big deal. I sat down and the older guy next to me started chatting me up and was very friendly - as was the man down the other side who moved down to make room for my friends when they got there. College football was on TV and the bartender was attentive and friendly. Had I misjudged the Ranch??? I ordered some food and my friends came barreling into the bar. These are honest-to-goodness east coasters: fun, loud, friendly and ready for a good time. We proceeded to take over the corner of the bar: drinking, talking, laughing, taking pictures, hooting and hollering for John and Dave as they ended each song. The music was good: Dave on acoustic guitar and John on percussion - a fine mixture of originals penned by Dave and a healthy smattering of unique versions of covers. Russ from the Hippogriffs sat in with his guitar and added another layer that kicked it up a notch. The crowd was warm and receptive - always a good sign when bar patrons clap and smile for the band! The manager, Ryan, came over and was asking about who was dating whom in the band...Britt thought the manager was interested in one of the guys until he informed us one of the alpha-cougars in attendance was asking about Dave for her daughter. Ha! Nothing against Dave, but since when does a wealthy lady ask about a musician playing in a bar for her daughter?!? uh huh. Sure.
Everything seemed to be going great until I got up to find the bathroom. As I was walking from my chair I hear, "heeeyyy Rasta-far-eye...you going to roll a joint?" I turned and saw the speaker: middle aged guy feeling up a woman that I strongly suspected was NOT his wife. Ick. Ew. All sorts of things passed through my brain to say to him but instead I gave him a death stare and shook my head at him - not as a response to his question (even though I wasn't going to roll a joint) but as a display of how sad and pathetic I thought he was. What an idiot. I had my back turned towards him while I was talking to my friends so I hadn't noticed him before I got out of my seat. Strike two.
The night progressed nicely until creepy dude and his uhh...um...lady friend left and was replaced by ANOTHER weirdo. This guy sat next to me and openly stared at me. I turned my back towards him but Erin kept informing me of his actions. We discussed what she called "LWW:" leaning, watching and waiting. How true! Women know of this action by men just waiting to get their chance at jumping into a conversation of women. Erin finally called him out and said something like: "hey! I notice you keep on looking over here! What's up?" (gotta love those east coast ladies). I refused to make eye contact and he finally started to talk to Tony. This is what I heard of their conversation:

LWW: Hey. Can I ask you a question?
Tony: Sure! What's up?
LWW: what's your favorite book?
Tony: book? Favorite book? Man, I don't fuckin' READ!
***drink just about comes up out of my nose due to sudden laughing fit***
LWW: no no no. You have to name a book.
Tony: ahhh ok. JAWS!!

strike three.

What made up for the strikes: the bar covered the band's tab as well as mine and my friends. The bar was pret-ty cool (for Highlands Ranch) and the staff was friendly and enthusiastic about the music.
I was really happy to go back to Denver.

The weekend was....interesting.

Friday night John and I went to Campo de Fiori in Cherry Creek. We went to grab a small bite and to see if our friend Jessica was working. We discovered that she doesn't work there anymore...! =( Bar tending and managing was a guy I met through Jess: Derek - I have known him for years - always engaging in conversation and wine suggestions. When the chef wandered behind the bar he says: "hey, you remember my friends John and Katie, right?" The guy looked over at us, made a "fssst" sound and turned his back towards us. WTF? Nice. This guy is basically the ambassador of this restaurant and he's treating customers like we're the ones that are socially retarded. Hey, I got news for you: your risotto was under cooked! Why don't you use it as some sort of binding agent for your incredibly unique faux-hawk.

After our dining experience, we headed down to Owlsley's Golden Road to wish our friend Diana a happy 30th birthday. I looked around the bar area and couldn't find my friend so I wandered around hoping to catch a glimpse. What I saw looked suspiciously like transplanted Highlands Ranchers! Ha! Welcome to my city-turf suburbans!!! I wondered why it looked like middle-aged moms and dads in attendance when the too loud, uncomfortably distorted music began to register and I looked toward the stage: teenagers. Probably playing their first gig. That's cool. As I said to my friend Drew a bit later while standing at the bar: "Everyone starts some where. Even great musicians were bad when they first started out. We all have to go though it...but I don't want to hear it....!" I noticed that these kids had in-ear monitors. IN EAR MONITORS!! I know incredibly talented musicians that would KILL to be able to afford that equipment! Ahhhh....I see how it is in the Ranch as a teen. I got some small enjoyment in seeing the moms and dads squirm as weirder and weirder folk wandered into the venue. We couldn't take it anymore. We went to Dulcinea's to hear Stanky Pockets - and John was going to be sitting in second set. Happy Birthday D!!

Dulcinea's was packed and hoppin'. John was running around and setting up his gear so I looked for Drew. When I found him he was holding two drinks and attempting to hand one of them to me. I had just bought myself one. I'm a notoriously slow drinker so I told him to hang onto the extra because "a bird can't fly with one wing!" We found a spot to enjoy the show - right by the stage. Miles, harmonica player and band leader extraordinaire saw me standing by the stage and proceeded to throw my house key at me. He lives across the street from me and is nice enough to come over and water the plants and take care of Bill while John and I are out of town. I needed my house key back and he figured he should get it to me in between song verses. I'm just glad I found it on the floor. I uhhhh...lost it in the lights. [Disclaimer: lights were enhanced by Captain Morgan].
I was having a good time. I really was. Until ol' Two Braids ruined it for me and got me riled up and surly. Earlier I was in the bathroom chatting with Cassandra (neighbor, friend and girlfriend of Miles) and in walks a girl - hand to her ear and sniffing. I didn't really look but thought she was on the phone - as I went into the bathroom stall I realized she was crying. I was going to ask her if she was OK but she took off. About a half hour later she appears at my side looking manically happy. She says something to me but I can't hear so I say "what?!?!?" while pointing to my ear. She gets closer and says, "why don't you smile and have some fun?" At that point I look at Drew and he's looking at me - a bit confused because he can't hear her but sees the concerned look on my face. I look at her and say, "don't tell me how to enjoy myself!!" Cassandra comes up to me and wants to know if "Two Braids" told me to smile. Apparently this girl was saying this to everyone. That irks me. So I wasn't smiling as broadly as she wanted me to - or dancing as hard as she thought I should. I discovered LOOOONG ago that everyone enjoys music in a different way, so you can SUCK IT Two Braids. I was having a grand ol' time and instead of pointing out the error of my ways and encouraging me to plaster a large fake smile on my face you instead made me feel annoyed and unhappy. Job well done! .
...and that was just Friday!

Saturday rolled around with a nasty hangover - proudly sponsored by "captain, diet, lemon." John and I met his mom for brunch. I needed to get horizontal ASAP. I felt so crappy I couldn't even finish my bloody mary. That's when I knew it was bad. I slept for a few hours on the couch (naps are your friends!) and felt much better. I had to: we were going to see George Clinton that night! We got put on the guest list per a request from Keith - my editor at the Music Buzz and the busiest man in Denver. I was put on the list for U.S. Pipe - they were opening the show and one of the guitar players wives who has connections to the Music Buzz put us on the list. Keith had asked me the day before if I would be interested in helping out with the February cover story on U.S. Pipe. Would I! So we go in early and I see my old friend Missy who also sings in the band. It's a big deal - they're playing the Fillmore - so everyone is excited and I'm very happy for her. The show was good - lots of peeps on the stage including a guy that just stands and shakes an egg shaker throughout the show - confusing. The band is much more hip-hop-py and not as overall centralized in funk as I heard them in the past.
I saw the guitarist's wife and thanked her for putting us on the list. I asked her if she knew what was up for the article as I wasn't quite sure in what capacity Keith wanted me to contribute. She said she wasn't interested in ghost writing (Keith's request) and said I could interview her husband, etc. Great.
George Clinton is old. He came out a half hour after his band started and the energy inside the room changed greatly. It was what everyone was waiting for! Highlights were "Atomic Dog," "Up on the Down Stroke," "We Want The Funk," and "Flashlight." I thought of a great drinking game: drink every time the band says "funk" or any derivative of said word ie: Dr. Funkenstein, Funkadelic, etc. We would have been passed out before the end of the first song! The show was a lot different than any other time I saw George: there was a performance of "Maggot Brain" and a version of "Proud Mary" by a woman that was introduced by George as a "new-comer to the P-Funk family" - I didn't catch her name - that brought down the house. Very impressive. George was George. There were a lot of people on the stage playing, singing, dancing, simulating sex and just wandering around. Good times.
The Fillmore was cold! The place was about 2/3 full and I was freezing. I never had that experience before. Granted, I was standing in the back and the front doors were open, but I've been in that situation before and never had a problem. It didn't help that I was still dealing with the hangover and I have been fighting off a cold....more to come on that.

Sunday dawned dreary. Overcast and icky. It was hard to get out of bed - but we were headed to Bottoms and Jason's house in Lakewood to watch football! They had come over the week before and now they were returning the hospitality. Football at 11am was good this week as Bottoms whipped up a french toast casserole, had bagels and lox, bacon, sausage and fruit salad! For lunch was an incredible soup filled with pasta, white beans, spinach and pancetta. Yummy. It turned out to be a good day: Lindsay Kelly stopped by - glowing from Jam Cruise, Emily popped in on the way back to the mountains and the Eagles beat the Giants! (John and Bottoms are huge Philly sports fans). John and I hung out til 7pm. whew! We also enjoyed the afternoon game and ate bbq pork from the crock pot. Gooooood day. =)

Congrats to Mickey Rourke on the Golden Globe - the words "holy shit!" popped out of my mouth when that was announced. Around 9:30pm my head suddenly stuffed up and I had an "oh no!" moment. This ick I had been fighting off just grabbed a hold of me and climbed into my sinuses. Zicam, tea, cold pills, bed.

Congrats to Jim Rice on being elected into the Baseball Hall of Fame! It's about time for the all star left fielder! Yea Red Sox!

I found out today that the guitarist's wife thinks I can't "grasp" the idea of writing about the band and that she also thought that putting me and John on the guest list would "go to waste." Needless to say I turned down writing the article. I'm too busy to deal with that bullshit. If she thinks she's so damn important and we're all beneath her she can write the damn thing herself. Leave me out of it.

just sayin'....

let the games begin!

2009-01-08T13:02:00.003-07:00

good news today: I received an email from the baseball historian who seemed very excited to hear from me and set me up with a lot of good information and resources. He also wants to get together to formulate a presentation on music and baseball for his baseball history class! I believe that class is held at the same time as one of mine - which will present a problem - but I'm sure we can work it out. I also heard back from my old adviser from CU who seemed happy to hear from me and he has actually heard good things about my teaching at Metro!! There have been changes in the grad department there since I've been gone and I feel as though that is a good thing. The militant, closed minded and biased dean is gone and my old theory prof is now the dean (not sure how I feel about that - but it remains to be seen...).

Today will be spent doing domestic chores, running to the grocery store and still revising one of my classes. I started doing that last night - it'll take me a bit to get that finished. Revising syllabi and schedules also need to be done, but I like doing that kind of stuff so it doesn't really bother me...but I've been procrastinating (big surprise there) doing it for the past week.

I was excited about starting the blog and when I woke up this morning I think I had a bit of bloggers remorse. Have you ever drunk-dialed or texted and woke the next morning filled with shame and thought "ahhhhhhsshit" as you rubbed your hands over your face? I had a bit of that for some reason - like I shared too much. Who knows. Isn't that what a blog is for? I have no interest in having a well known famous blog where I am responsible for the nomination of a candidate for vice president (yeah surrrrre, ok kid!!), or venting political views or something like that. I dunno. Let's see what happens.

OK - I'm off to do...stuff. I figure I need to get done what absolutely needs to be done FIRST before plunging into baseball research. When I have too much time to get everything done - nothing gets done. I find time to do all sorts of random things (sleep late, blog, update my Facebook status, stare out the window, play with the cat, read non music books, etc. You get the idea...). When I'm on a time crunch or if I have TONS of stuff going on I get so much done. Why is that?!?!? I'm good at wasting time apparently. I have a few good ideas on what I should be doing in my free time: start playing the clarinet again, brushing up on my piano chops (which are HORRID), research, writing, buying a suitable desk chair, etc. I have too much free time to NOT do any of these things. I've been distracted by afternoon marathons of Law & Order. Damn you Jack McCoy!!

gettin' the ball rollin'....

2009-01-07T18:03:00.003-07:00

I started a blog a few years ago and then decided I wasn't sure about it...not sure if I wanted to do it or have all sorts of people reading it. It felt forced and unnatural. I left it and never went back. I can't even remember what it was called, what email address I registered under and forget about the password. It's still a strange concept to me - repulsive and appealing all at the same time. Why can't I just write in a journal? Why can't I type a digital diary and keep it on my computer or save it on disc? I guess I've always been a blogger at heart. I always kept some sort of notebook to jot down ideas or thoughts. I've gotten in the habit of carrying a small notebook or paper with me when I go to shows. I always have interesting and motivating ideas when I'm at a live show - from deciding to move to Colorado, go back to grad school or come up with an opening paragraph or two for an article or paper - these have all happened at shows. One time I had forgotten to bring a pen and paper with me to a show at the Fillmore in Denver...what show was it? String Cheese? Ugh - I dunno - it was a long time ago. I'm not sure because that was the night I ate a very strong mushroom chocolate (I am still deeply suspicious that it wasn't *just* mushrooms in that chocolate...) and thought I was going to die right then and there on the floor if I couldn't get my hands on a pen and some paper. After focusing in on two tie-dyed guys close by and giving myself a pep talk that I could stand up just like them (!!) I lurched toward a table set up on the side of the venue. It was the Conscious Alliance for Food people who were selling posters and getting email addresses for their mailing list. I smiled what I thought was a sweet smile (but probably very disturbing), grabbed a pen I saw on the table, flipped to the back of the binder that held loose leaf paper for email addresses, ripped out three or four blank pages, smiled again and walked away. I had my pen and paper!!! I wandered all around that show - scribbling and smiling, talking to myself and laughing. I was occasionally seized by fits of guilt and was convinced I would be punished by some karmic force for stealing from the CAF table. Yup. I was THAT guy. I wandered over to Sancho's and drank beer at the bar and continued to write and laugh til last call. Good thing I lived a few blocks away and I was walking. I still have those papers some where.... =)

I'm a procrastinator. Always have been and probably always will. I'm also not one for new year resolutions but this year I made one (keeping it to myself for a bit) and in the shower today - amid the steam and lather - I suppose I made another: to get the ball rolling. I suppose that means that I need to either shit or get off the pot. There are things that I want to do in life that I've done some of - but have let other things drift away or sit unfinished - or with some of the biggest and most serious things: I have avoided. Fear? Pretty unlike me, but I suppose so. Today that ended - or I hope it did. I have two loves in my life: music and baseball. One particularly hot night last summer I was doing stuff around the house with the TV on - you know: stuff. Cleaning, straightening, moving things around, laundry...stuff. I get motivated late at night - sometimes I may clean the toilet at 1am after doing absolutely nothing all day - it's just how it goes. Anyway, I was doing...stuff...and The Natural was on TV. What a great baseball movie! Plus, the music is great - so I was VERY surprised when I found out it was a Randy Newman soundtrack. Really? Because usually I'm not a fan. Anyway - I sat down to watch the part where he hits the ball into the lights and the light bulbs burst and sparks shower down as he runs the bases and the music kicks in....and my mind started to wander....and I'm not sure what happened or where I went but by the time I came back to myself the movie was over and I had dropped whatever I was doing and was walking to my computer to start some preliminary research on writing about music and baseball. A pret-ty broad topic (and I still haven't really narrowed it down) but I was overwhelmed about the amount of sheet music contained in the Library of Congress that is about baseball (did you know there are OPERAS written about the glory of our American past time?!?). I was underwhelmed about the amount of books, papers or articles written about the connection of these two topics. Hmmmmm. I was excited to get into this project and in the process of working out a plan of attack - what should I focus on - specific genres? Years? Locations around the country? Perhaps in the process something would jump out at me. One thing I know for sure is that country music is king at ballparks in the western states. I needed to take it to the next level and it fizzled out. I had contact info for baseball historians (one right on my own campus) and never did anything about it. Tonight I did. I got in contact with that historian and I'm awaiting an appointment to discuss how American popular music and baseball are tied together. Exciting. (NERD ALERT in case you haven't figured it out yet).

I also got in touch with some old teachers from CU Boulder for I dunno - advice, recommendations, thoughts, etc. I don't look back at my time there with fondness. I wish I knew more about how the university is a slow moving machine and academic politics when I was a grad student at CU. I was naive. oh well. I certainly didn't burn bridges but I wasn't actively maintaining them either. My stomach tightened up in a sickly knot as I hit send. What would they say? Would they even write me back? Katie who? Nah - it wouldn't be that extreme but let me put it this way: I was NOT the most popular grad student when I wrote my two thesis papers on Phish and the Grateful Dead.

I'm not sure how I decided NOW was a good time to start blogging. Perhaps the optimism of a new year, suddenly deciding to do something creative and productive. To actually BE the musicologist my degree and my education says I am. I got an email today from my friend Judy who I haven't talked to in FOREVER. After I started this blog page I read her email and lo and behold: she has a blog! I realized with a sinking feeling that I chose the same page design as she did! Should I change it? Or should I chalk it up to "great minds think (and choose their blog template) alike?" I should change it.

Now that I am super motivated I've decided to change/omit assignments and how I organize and teach one of my classes. Something new for Spring 2009 semester. It keeps me on my toes. If I do the same thing semester after semester it gets a bit stale.

just sayin'...