natural pessimist

That's me: a natural pessimist.  I can't help it.  I'm not always a downer but sometimes I have a difficult time of being optimistic.  I have a friend, Karmin - she is the eternal optimist - when I'm around her I feel better about all sorts of things.  She can put a positive spin on anything.  I try to do that but it's pretty difficult and sometimes I feel as though I need a good shot of optimism, enthusiasm and positivity.

I haven't posted in quite some time - for whatever reason.  The semester started, I was super busy, I went out of town on vacation to San Francisco, I'm still super busy, midterms, grading, prepping, this, that and the other -- you know how it is.

Exercising  (re: my last post) has actually been going very well.  As previously stated: I hate to exercise, but once I'm in the habit of doing it I start to become obsessive about it.  I was making sure that I did it five times a week.  That's pretty damn good!  My jeans are no longer tight - yes!!!  Alas...the back issues.  The back pain is not from the exercising - it's from stress and carrying around that goddamn computer case packed with folders, papers, books, pens (please see previous post re: "pen neuroses" to properly understand said condition...) and god knows what else I have shoved in there.  I'm talking excruciating pain.  Unlike anything I've ever experienced -- doubled over in the middle of the kitchen crying in pain and frustration kind of excruciating.  I have this knotted muscle underneath and next to my right shoulder blade.  The pain shoots up my neck and down my arm.  I had a friend come over last Friday to drop off some vicodin - and that stuff makes me nod off, nauseous, and scratchy - like a crack addict.  OOF.  But I was willing to swill some down with scotch on the rocks because it friggin' hurt!!  John helped with some massages and it's feeling almost back to normal -- and it's all thanks to him -- what a great guy!  (insert big grin here!)  But the exercising routine has pretty much come to a stand still. I only did it twice last week before the back agony - and not at all this week - although I'm thinking that I'll do it in the morning when I get up.

I'm teaching a class this semester that's getting me down and I can't figure out why or how to get out of feeling that way about it.  Some days it's great, but most of the days the energy is weird, I hear students complaining, I'm engaged in some type of power struggle that kind of crept up on me with some students -- always testing the guidelines of what's in the syllabus as far as attendance, class behavior, assignment instructions, writing guidelines, etc.  What the hell?  I try to go in there with a smile and enthusiastic behavior about the subject matter but....bleech.   There's been a few times this semester when I've come home from work and John says, "hey babe, how was work?"   I plop down my purse and my computer case, hunch over, and with a pathetic look say, "I just want to crawl into bed with a bottle of scotch and cry myself to sleep." Yeah.  Exactly.  Imagine that.  Whatever.  The semester is over in a few weeks....(there's my optimism...hahaha)

So there's a kind-of update.  I'm surprised my followers didn't drop off and leave me!  Send positive, optimistic vibes my way...I need 'em!

=)