"I didn't know I was pregnant..."

Wait.  Who, me?  Nah.  Not me.

 Anyway...
Here's the story:  I didn't teach over the summer, so I found a summer job waiting tables and bartending.  I found a gig within a 15 minute walk from my house and it worked out nicely.  For the most part.  I worked with a good group of people and the manager was either 22 or 23 -- I can't remember -- and there was a birthday celebrated over the summer, but you get the idea.  She was really sweet when I first started and I came to realize that she wasn't 100% real.  She was overly smiley and talked in a high pitched voice to the customers and said "mmHMMM!" and "uh HUHH!" and "you BET!" in a squeaky, excited tone.  Blech.

But!  Since she was my manager (eye roll) I was pleasant and nice and accommodating.  She wasn't always so nice.  I discovered this when she started talking about fellow co-workers behind their backs.  I think she was annoyed when I didn't share her opinions and join in.  I thought, "if she talks about these people like this, I can only imagine what she says about me when I'm not around."  When I first decided to take this job, John was concerned.  Concerned about my general well-being and overall mental health.  He was a chef for most of his life and he understands the restaurant business.  The front of the house staff has to deal with all sorts of crap from customers and he said he didn't want me to go through the summer frustrated and waiting on rude people.   I hadn't waited tables or bartended in seven years. Would it be worth it?  Well, at the end of the summer I realized that the customers were (mostly) amazing.  It was the manager and the owner I could have done without.  I could write about many, many issues but I'm trying to keep myself on track here (deep breath).  OK.

One day we're working a dinner shift together.  The place was pretty small, so there were only two servers on a dinner shift.  It was usually pretty slow at the beginning of the shift and then gradually (or sometimes not so gradually) got busier as the night wore on.  We were talking and she tells me that she worked a lunch shift the day before and she couldn't believe that a customer asked her when she was due.  She went on and on and on that yes, she has a belly, but REALLY?!?  Pregnant?!?

•      Let me explain her body type: big breasts, VERY narrow, non-existent hips and a belly.  I have known women that have this same shape and they were NOT pregnant.  They just carried all their weight in their gut.

I sympathized with her and told her a story of wearing a big, shapeless dress on an incredibly hot summer afternoon when a man complimented me on my maternity dress.  I wasn't flattered.  In a woman's mind, if someone thinks she is pregnant, and she's not, it translates as being seen as fat.  Not so nice.  She tells me that it "was a woman.  A WOMAN that said this to me.  What an insult! Especially from another woman! Couldn't she tell that I AM NOT PREGNANT?!?"   OK. Sure.

Over the course of the summer, this must have happened to her five or six times.  That I knew of.  In the mean time, she would be really nice, then really nasty.  I remember once at the beginning of a Saturday night dinner shift she was in a particularly foul mood and she brought the whole place down.  The energy of the whole restaurant was depressing.  I was thankful that I was in the bar that night, but she kept coming over to bitch about someone or something.  Yeash.

About a week or two after I stopped working there and started teaching again, I received a text from a fellow co-worker of the restaurant.  It said, "Xxxxx had a baby."  (Name withheld to protect the stupid!)  I stared at my phone in disbelief.  She must have texted the wrong number.  I only know ONE person by that name.  Whaaaaa??  I texted back, "what??" and it was confirmed.  I also heard about it through the grapevine from other people.  The conversation would always end with them saying, "Can you believe it??"  At first, no, I couldn't.  Then...I wasn't so sure.  I thought maybe that she was hiding it from everyone -- for whatever reason.  Or that she was in denial.  Denial can be pretty powerful, and one can certainly trick their brain in thinking th....Oh forget that!  Did she really NOT KNOW?  

I've never been pregnant in my life, but here's a perfectly reasonable (in my mind) question to ask:

HOW OUT OF TOUCH DOES A WOMAN HAVE TO BE WITH HER BODY TO NOT KNOW SHE IS PREGNANT?!?!?!???

And this is what really get me about this: she smoked.  All the time.  Multiple cigarette breaks during a shift.  God knows how many when she wasn't working.  She drank as well.  She even went on a DIET to lose some of her belly.  Yep.  For real.  I still to this day don't know the answer to the question if she really didn't know or not -- because I haven't seen her since she gave birth to her (hopefully healthy) bundle of joy.  But I have a feeling that if I were to ever see her again I wouldn't be able to hide the disgust and confusion that wells up inside me whenever I think of this.

I realize there is a television show dedicated to this very topic of "I didn't know I was pregnant" and that there are medical doctors that can explain why and how this happens to some women .  Like I said, I've never been pregnant, but I think this show and this story are prime examples of how out of touch women have become with their bodies...and it's very sad.

update: what I did on my winter vacation...so far...

Not much.  I went to New York to visit my family and friends.  I had a great time relaxing, eating, drinking, catching some type of sore throat ick and getting over said ick.  I only get to see my family once -- or twice, if I'm lucky -- a year, so I really like going back for Christmas.  This year the cheapest airfare was if we stayed through New Year's, so we ended up there for two weeks.  I actually didn't think (too much) about work related issues -- unless I received the "why did I get this grade?" email from a student or two.  I only started to feel anxious about everything I still have yet to do until the last day or two there.  In some ways it didn't seem like I was there for two weeks, but in other ways, yeah.  It did.

The first day I was there I checked my email and I received a response about the proposal I sent in November.  It was the nicest rejection letter I've ever received, but a rejection, nonetheless.  Bummer.

I caught some throat ick when I was there, and the only thing that helped me get over it in about three days was Bragg's Apple Cider vinegar.  Ever use it?  My mom turned me on to it years ago.  Whenever I have a sore throat I always gargle with it (cut with some water) and it's amazing how instantaneous the relief is.  This time around I noticed that the relief lasted longer when I made what I call a vinegar cocktail.  It smells worse than it tastes.  I know that's not a very inviting statement, but it is what it is:

• 8oz or so of warm water
• 2 tsp Bragg's Apple Cider vinegar
• 2 tsp of local honey
• Mix well and chug

 No other apple cider vinegar will do -- this stuff has "the mother" in it -- it occurs naturally as strand-like enzymes of connected protein molecules -- and this is the stuff that kills all the ick in the sore throat.  It's also supposed to be good for cleanses.  If you're into that kind of thing.  I'm glad that I drank this a few times a day -- a friend of mine had similar sore throat symptoms and she developed pneumonia and my sore throat went away in a few days.  Whew!  I whip up a vinegar cocktail when I think of it -- I try to do it every day, but that doesn't always work out.  =)


Like what happens to most people when they visit family, I ate a lot.  A lot.  I also ate a lot of red meat.  I ate more red meat in two weeks than I usually do in a year.  Oof.  My parents recently bought a 1/4 of a cow from a local farm.  We made Guinness Stout beef stew, goulash with ground beef, and one night we had big, fat, thick sirloins.  Then there were leftovers.  You get the idea.  I won't be eating red meat any time soon.  Oooooh, my tummy.....



I spent time with mom, dad, sister, nieces, nephew, grand niece (!!), aunts, uncles, cousins and old friends.  Of course I never get to see everyone that I want to -- it doesn't matter how long I'm back -- there never seems to be enough time.  Oh well.

Bill the cat was NOT happy that we were gone for two weeks, even though we had a friend come over daily to check on him and give him smooches and scratches.  We've been back for four days and he still will not stop meowing, YEOWLING, yelling, and complaining.  He follows us everywhere and insists on crawling all over us whenever he can -- day and night.  I had to lock him out of the bedroom the other night and he's getting tired of being pushed off the bed, but I need to get some sleep!  He gets so excited to be with us that he drools stinky cat drool all over himself and us.  I appreciate the love, dear kitty, but c'mooon.......


I'm also revising and prepping for the semester as well -- but I will not bore you with those details.  I may be teaching an online class this semester.  If that's the case, I'm sure I'll be including updates on that experience since I haven't done that before.  Happy New Year everyone -- I hope it's a good one.

Update:  My friend Fran reminded me that I participated in a marathon game of dreidel -- and I won!  John and I helped our friends Barry and Fran celebrate Hanukkah!

happy new year!

I went on vacation. A two week vacation.  I thought once or twice about blogging, but didn't. I'm not one of those super organized people that have blogs planned out in advance and all scheduled to post in advance.  Pppffft.  I'm in the midst of revising and preparing for the Spring semester (I find it amusing that the Spring semester starts in January...), so I don't have a lot of time right now to update and post photos, but I thought I'd check in and see how everyone is doing.
I will be posting a "what I did on my winter vacation" blog soon, so be warned.  =)

end of the semester...

I'm still waiting to hear back about the proposal I did submit in November.  I was told I'd hear back "in December."  Vague.  It's been over a month since I submitted it and almost a month from the deadline.  Every time I check my email I'm looking for something and every time I'm bummed out that I haven't received an email.  One of these days I won't be thinking about it and that's when I'll find out.  I would like to know either way so I can prepare if it's accepted or move on and concentrate on other things if it's not.

I'm leaving to go out of town next week and I'm actually ahead of my self-imposed grading schedule.  This hasn't happened in a long time. Wait.  I'm not sure if this has EVER happened since I've been teaching.  I feel relaxed, prepared and ahead of the game.  I'm usually super stressed out, frazzled and annoyed (while drinking too much scotch) during this time of the semester.  I wrote a very long list of all the things that HAD to be done by the end of the semester and I just kept crossing items off of the list.  I still have things on there, but I can't cross them off yet -- for example: grade finals for all classes -- can't happen because I give my first final tomorrow -- but you better believe that as soon as the first student hands in the first test I'm gettin' my grade on.  This weekend will be filled with laundry and getting the house in order.  I'm looking forward to seeing my family. 

bye bye blog follower...

It's a bummer to lose a blog follower.  It makes me wonder what I did to make them not want to follow or read any more.  I can't please everyone all of the time, because in the end I write for myself -- and when others get it, it's a bonus.
Thanks to my small handful of followers that get it!

proposal update

I've been thinking -- the more research I do about the baseball and music topic, the more I realize how woefully unprepared I am to submit a proposal for a December 2nd deadline.  I know that proposals are submitted all the time without a paper already prepared, but I haven't even centered in on exactly what I want to do with this topic.  I've decided that I'm still going to gather as many materials as I can and research my butt off until I've come up with a concise topic and unique angle.  The thought of making a total fool of myself because I'm not as prepared (or confident) as I could/should/(will eventually) be on this topic is not appealing.  I've decided not to submit a proposal this time around and hopefully within a reasonable amount of time (vague..on purpose..) I can do it the right way.

The stress involved has also gotten physical.  The severe pain in my back, shoulders and neck is a direct embodiment of the anxiety I'm experiencing over this.  (deep breaths...)

writing ANOTHER proposal...what am I thinking?

Yep.  That's right.  I've decided to submit yet ANOTHER proposal to a conference.  This time it's for the Society for American Baseball Research (SABR) conference.  This is different because I don't have anything written ahead of time.  As in nothing.  Zilch.  Zero.  I know that people do this allll the time (submit proposals to present a paper that's not even written) but it adds some stress to the already stressful equation. My topic will be about the intersection of baseball and popular music.  Why are they so closely related and intertwined?  The deadline is December 2nd, so I have some time, but that date will get here in a hurry.  It's the last part of the semester and I have tons of assignments, papers and tests to grade along with prepping and the rest of the headaches, er, joy that comes with teaching.  I've been staying up late doing all of these things, then when I'm done I do research and/or read.  It's kind of hard finding a balance -- if I stay up too late, I end up all bleary-eyed and exhausted for class and I don't make much sense (not good when teaching) -- but I also want to get enough research done -- grrr.  So the process repeats itself ad nauseum. 

Wish me luck (again!) and send those positive vibes my way!  I'll keep my blog updated as the process unfolds!  Yippieeeee!